


shoot ur shot

by TheArmedLibrarian



Series: The Fantastic Joui 4 [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Chatting & Messaging, Dancing, Eventual Romance, Friendship, Hijikata "I'm lowkey famous in my uni" Toshirou, M/M, Memes, Romantic Comedy, Swearing, actually no he's a fuckin dumbass, fourth wall breaks? yes po opo, local crackhead squad becomes wingman for poop curls, lots and lots of swearing, quarantine does things to y'all, someone help gintoki, zoom calls?? is that a thing?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24769177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArmedLibrarian/pseuds/TheArmedLibrarian
Summary: walmart sasukesent a photowalmart sasukeDudewalmart sasukeI can see you from herewalmart sasukeWhat the fuck are you doingsugar contentMy fucking best what elsewig? snatched.u call ‘nearly suffocating your dance partner just from doing a spin’ ur best?SakamotHOEpathetic
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki, Katsura Kotarou & Sakamoto Tatsuma & Sakata Gintoki & Takasugi Shinsuke
Series: The Fantastic Joui 4 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1791298
Comments: 23
Kudos: 98





	1. hello welcome to disney channel and you’re watching my life fall apart

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by ['Sup bitches](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11323803) by [HijikataTrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HijikataTrash/pseuds/HijikataTrash). 



> Guess who got inspired by another fic and thought "uuuuuh let's make one coz we're so fuckin unoriginal" amirite??

**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

**sugar content**

_sent a photo_

**sugar content**

felt delete

**sugar content**

might cute later

**sugar content**

here’s an ootd selfie to bless ur day UwU

**walmart sasuke**

I have a question

**sugar content**

shoot

**walmart sasuke**

one

**walmart sasuke**

ur ugly

**sugar content**

u bitch that’s not a question

**walmart sasuke**

im sorry lemme rephrase that

**walmart sasuke**

*ur ugly??

**wig? snatched.**

wait wait I have a question too

**wig? snatched.**

Im staring at gintoki’s feet and oh gOd WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOOSE

**sugar content**

THOSE AREN’T EVEN CROCS THEY’RE MY ADIDAS HAND-ME-DOWNS FROM OBORO

**walmart sasuke**

well what do u know free trial gintoki has a heart

**wig? snatched.**

FREE TRIAL GINTOKI I CATH RBEATHNEHHHJHHAHAHAHAHAHA

**The Manager**

Y’all I literally made Mutsu stop talking when I saw free trial gintoki HAHAHAHAHHAHA

**sugar content**

yo so im like the premium version??

**The Manager**

no ur the crack version

**walmart sasuke**

_W H E E Z E_

**wig? snatched.**

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

**wig? snatched.**

JESUS FUCK IF MATSUDAIRA SEES ME LAUGHING RN HE’S GONNA SHOOT MY FUCKING FACE

**sugar content**

By all means, please laugh until he “shoots your fucking face”

**The Manager**

ZURA I JUST CROSSED UR CLASSROOM AND U LOOKED LIKE SOMEONE HAVING A SEIZURE

**walmart sasuke**

this is so fucking funny

**sugar content**

im never sending u selfies ever again y’all just jealous

**wig? snatched.**

well to be fair you do rock those ripped jeans gintoki

**The Manager**

yeah man the shirt looks great with it too <3

**sugar content**

y’all fake u just want me to buy ur pizza slices

**walmart sasuke**

this dramatic bitch I swear to god–

**sugar content**

anyways unrelated but

**sugar content**

kondo says that we need to pitch in ideas for the social sciences event happening in two weeks

**walmart sasuke**

can’t YOU do that

**The Manager**

he’s right gintoki aren’t you like the head of the creatives committee or smth??

**wig? snatched.**

Nuh-uh we’re both unavailable within this week and the next

**The Manager**

Ooooh u guys have the same PE class right??

**sugar content**

stupid prof wants the entire class to do hip-hop dances BY PARTNERS

**sugar content**

and I cant pair up with zura because its assigned

**walmart sasuke**

r u fucking kidding me that’s better than being told to do questionable yoga poses

**The Manager**

WAIT WAIT YOU’RE UNDER KOZENIGATA’S CLASS?? HAHAHAHAHAHAH

**walmart sasuke**

stop laughing I swear bansai, kamui, and i had sore muscles for DAYS

**sugar content**

u retard that wasn’t yoga you guys were prolly doing sex poses or smth

**walmart sasuke**

I DON’T EVEN WANNA KNOW WHAT THE ACTUAL POSES WERE FOR

**wig? snatched.**

@Sakamoto who’s ur pe prof then??

**The Manager**

Im in prof jirocho’s 😊

**walmart sasuke**

lucky bitch

**The Manager**

His daughter’s in our class too she’s super cute but he doesn’t want anyone flirting with her lmao

**wig? snatched.**

hey speaking of the partners thing who was assigned to yours, gintoki?

**sugar content**

huh? Idk it was prolly oogushi or smth I don’t remember

**walmart sasuke**

wait what

**wig? snatched.**

Oh my god.

**The Manager**

Oh my fucking god

**sugar content**

what is it now jesus

**The Manager**

Do

**The Manager**

Do you not know HIM at all??

**sugar content**

I don’t?? I haven’t talked to him yet

**wig? snatched.**

Sakata Gintoki you fucking dumbass I hate u so much

**wig? snatched.**

WE DON’T HAVE AN OOGUSHI IN OUR CLASS YOU NITWIT

**sugar content**

im bad at remembering names ok??

**The Manager**

Lmao Gintoki the Amnesiac strikes again

**sugar content**

sHhhshSHhsHSHhsH

**walmart sasuke**

r u dropped multiple times in the head why r u liek this

**wig? snatched.**

U useless trash im just gonna search it up for you

**sugar content**

which ones was it??

**wig? snatched.**

So I asked one of our classmates and they said you were paired up with a Hijikata Toshirou

**sugar content**

wait OH SHIT

**sugar content**

HE AND I SHARED A HISTORY CLASS WHY DIDN’T I NOTICE!!

**walmart sasuke**

this bitch didn’t even realize they had the same minors are u blind or smth??

**wig? snatched.**

Unlike you, I know my partner’s name

**wig? snatched.**

His name is saito shimaru and hes rlly nice but extremely shy

**sugar content**

lmao the dude with the orange afro hair?

**wig? snatched.**

Yeah the same one who asked to take a shit when he tried to introduced himself on the first day HAHAHAHAHAHAH

**wig? snatched.**

Oooooh shit matsudaira almost caught me I gotta go now we have a quiz later bye byebyebyebeye

**sugar content**

this sucks I have a 2 hour vacant period what am I supposed to do??

**walmart sasuke**

study?? Ur ugly mug always gets average scores its so pitiful

**sugar content**

shut the hell your mouth you always say you never study the night before, but you always get perfect scores on all your quizzes you fjcuking liar

**The Manager**

Hey if it helps mutsu and I are in this cool café we discovered three days ago. Wanna join? They have a nice strawberry beverage that’s cheap and tastes good 😊

**The Manager**

They even have yakult in their vending machines

**walmart sasuke**

WHERE’S THE CAFÉ AT? IM COMING

**sugar content**

I am a simple man you mentioned strawberry I ran out of my room

**sugar content**

SEND THE ADDRESS ILL BE THERE IN LIKE TWENTY MINUTES TOPS

**The Manager**

Kkk see ya!

\---

**sugar content**

Zura I can see you all the way at the end of the hallway doing that deranged dance before you took a break

**wig? snatched.**

Shut up it’s called ACTUALLY PRACTICING MY DANCE MOVES??

**sugar content**

wait were u and Saito trying to twerk to Juicy by Doja Cat??

**wig? snatched.**

Yeah whats it to you

**sugar content**

u guys look like ur abt to take a shit in a public place

**sugar content**

as ur friend ur embarrassing me

**wig? snatched.**

YOU

**wig? snatched.**

YOU DARE SULLY MY DANCE MOVES WITH FOUL WORDS

**wig? snatched.**

And I’M embarrassing YOU?

**wig? snatched.**

YOU, who can’t even remember THEIR FUCKING PARTNER’S NAME?!?! 

**sugar content**

AAAAAAAAAH STOP DON’T MAKE ME REMEMBER SAKSAKLDHAJSHGDAHKFGSA

**The Manager**

AHAHAHAHHAHA I BET YOU HAVENT TRIED TALKING TO HIM OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT

**sugar content**

WELL FUCK ME I DIDNT

**walmart sasuke**

wait where are u guys I wanna see zura twerk

**wig? snatched.**

hsbjbkjwonaonwandds no no please I cant afford to lose face infront of saito 

**walmart sasuke**

bitch u abt to lose it

**walmart sasuke**

im collecting some noteworthy blackmail here help a guy out

**sugar content**

u mean help a gay out oops

**walmart sasuke**

noice

**sugar content**

we’re at rakuyo bldg. 4th floor rn

**walmart sasuke**

where tf is rakuyo bldg..???

**sugar content**

YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE RAKUYO BUILDING IS?

**walmart sasuke**

AND IT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIND THE ADMINISTRATION BUILDING OK?!?! I EVEN HAD TO USE SIRI TO GET TO MY CLASS LAST YEAR

**wig? snatched.**

@Gintoki HOW IS IT U KNOW WHERE RAKUYO IS BUT CANT REMEMBER UR PARTNER’S NAME??

**sugar content**

WHY ARE U SO BOTHERED WITH THAT PIECE OF INFORMATION

**The Manager**

BOI WHY ARE WE SCREAMING

**wig? snatched.**

BECAUSE IT’S RIDICULOUS

**sugar content**

lmaoooooo can we talk abt shinsuke using siri to get to classes tho skskskksks

**walmart sasuke**

shut up you piece of shit we both have recognition problems

**sugar content**

_sent a photo_

**sugar content**

bitch is you blind??

**sugar content**

rakuyo and ur building are just ACROSS from each other holy heck

**walmart sasuke**

yOOOOOOOO IVE WALKED THROUGH YOUR BUILDING BEFORE HOW IS IT THAT IM ONLY KNOWING WHAT ITS NAME WAS

**The Manager**

HEP CI CANT BRTAH AHASHAOIDJAFAFKSEFBBFJHDGSAHGAJ

**wig? snatched.**

Siri can u die from secondhand embarrassment.

**wig? snatched.**

Because I want to die

**The Manager**

Do you not know the names of all the buildings after going through sophomore year of college?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAH

**The Manager**

Deadass we had a campus tour at freshie orientation

**walmart sasuke**

sHUT UP okay??? I only remembered like 2 buildings and both of those was where we held classes

**wig? snatched.**

This is so despacito alexa play sad

**sugar content**

I bet 300 yen he doesn’t know the name of the auditorium either

**walmart sasuke**

fuck you I know what it is

**walmart sasuke**

I think

**The Manager**

SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSK

**walmart sasuke**

I see zura’s ugly mug from where gintoki’s standing rn

**sugar content**

oh good ur here I thought u got lost or smth HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**walmart sasuke**

aren’t u glad bansai’s physically holding me off from decking u across the face

**walmart sasuke**

_sent a video_

**walmart sasuke**

and ur still fucking ugly zura

**wig? snatched.**

fuck off


	2. So I met the guy and he’s actually fucking hot???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what song fits the joui squad's friendship is so i asked my dear sister. She then responds with, "I don't know. All of Kevin Macleods songs fit on how they're a bunch of dumbasses." 
> 
> I cannot get that out of my head.

**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

**sugar content**

hey channel welcome back to my guys!

**The Manager**

Im muting this conversation

**walmart sasuke**

honestly same

**wig? snatched.**

my disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined thanks a lot permhead

**sugar content**

oh ok so u don’t want sum tea I wanna spill ok got it

**The Manager**

WAIT WAIT WAIT ITS TEATIME

**wig? snatched.**

Well why didnt you say so you could have told me sooner gintoki my day is back to normal

**walmart sasuke**

suddenly I can read again

**sugar content**

shut the fuck up fakers im disowning all of u

**walmart sasuke**

no but really spill it man im dying here

**The Manager**

Yeah u always have the best tea

**sugar content**

FAKERS

**wig? snatched.**

Ill even give you 300 yen later come on come on its fucking teatime

**sugar content**

ok ok so

**sugar content**

remember when all of us went to 7/11 after classes yesterday??

**wig? snatched.**

Yeah shinsuke ate a matcha flavored kitkat and threw up in front of the cashier

**wig? snatched.**

***the garbage can near the cashier

**The Manager**

AJSHSJDHAJWGDAHSJGJKS THE LOOK ON THE GIRL’S FACE

**walmart sasuke**

fuck that shit was nasty

**The Manager**

what about it gintoki??

**sugar content**

well I went out for a bit at the parking lot to chain my motorcycle in case some dumbass would steal it or some shit like that

**sugar content**

and then I saw my dance partner outside talking to somebody….

**The Manager**

OOGUSHI!!!

**wig? snatched.**

I FUCKING KNEW YOUD SAY THAT HAHAHAHAHAH

**sugar content**

YALL LET IT REST HIS NAME IS HIJIKATA COZ I REMEMBERED

**walmart sasuke**

GET TO THE POINT ALREADY

**sugar content**

they were arguing (??) idk it looked like that, so I was listening in like the nosy shit I was coz they’re close to my motorcycle

**sugar content**

so I saw hijikata and this dude with blonde hair and eyeglasses and he looked real mad and gripping the poor boy’s arm possessively…

**walmart sasuke**

oh shit that’s terrifying

**The Manager**

What the hell kind of fight did u just walked in

**sugar content**

nope it wasn’t a fight. 

**sugar content**

blonde glasses guy kept tugging for his arm and hijikata looks scared as shit

**sugar content**

and I kinda don’t remember everything the guy said but goddamn hijikata looks like hes gonna cry any minute and the blonde dude looked like a real pervert

**The Manager**

dude that was a fuckin stalker jesus christ

**walmart sasuke**

what a fucking douche

**wig? snatched.**

I cant believe dudes this toxic still exists y’all wtf

**sugar content**

so that was the end of the tea… but you guys are about to read the best part

**sugar content**

remember when I came back and u guys asked me what took me so long??

**wig? snatched.**

Yeeees?? You were even breathing hard when you returned to us

**sugar content**

well uuuuh hehe

**sugar content**

I kinda did…. something.

**wig? snatched.**

No way

**wig? snatched.**

no fucking way

**The Manager**

SPILL IT MAN

**walmart sasuke**

YOU BETTER NOT SAY WHAT I THINK YOU DID GINTOKI

**sugar content**

I stepped in, grabbed hijikata by the other arm, and punched the living daylights out of the guy

**walmart sasuke**

YOIF FUCKING AHJDBSJHFASHJFASBKA

**The Manager**

GINTOKIIIIIIIIIIII WHAT THE HECK HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**wig? snatched.**

I CANT BELIEVE YOU’VE DONE THIS

**sugar content**

then the guy fainted, and we just stood there stunned, but I couldn’t think of anything else, so I ask him to run with me and we ran two blocks away from 7/11 so he could escape

**The Manager**

Y’ALL OMG THAT’S SO SWEET BUT SAD?!?!?!?

**sugar content**

HE WAS SHEDDING TEARS AND I PANICKED SO I STAYED WITH HIM FOR A BIT BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PRY ABOUT ANYTHING SO I JUST COMFORTED HIM

**sugar content**

I KEPT TELLING HIM IT WAS ALRIGHT AND THAT THE DUDE WONT CHASE US SINCE I TECHNICALLY TRIED TO KILL HIM WITH A FALCON PUNCH

**wig? snatched.**

WITH A FALCON PUNCH AHDJASBDSHDBSAJDASBDLASB.A

**walmart sasuke**

OOOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOD TELL ME MORE THIS IS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS

**sugar content**

AND THEN HE LAUGHED AND BOY HE WAS LOOKING SO SAD BUT PRETTY OMG I FELT BAD FOR THINKING HE’S HOT EVEN UNDER THE SITUATION HE WAS IN???

**sugar content**

THEN I KIND OF REMEMBERED MY MANNERS AND INTRODUCED MYSELF TO HIM AS HIS DANCE PARTNER, AND I SWEAR I THINK THE HEAVENS JUST OPENED ITS GATES WHEN HE SHOT ME THAT SMILE

**walmart sasuke**

YALL WHY CNT I HAVE CHANCE ENCOUNTERS AS CHEESY AS THIS !?!??!

**wig? snatched.**

THIS LEGIT LOOKS LIKE IT CAME STRAIGHT OUT OF A KDRAMA??? I’M?!?!?!

**sugar content**

AAAAAAAGH AND HE RECOGNIZED ME AS WELL FROM HISTORY CLASS NOW I FEEL BAD

**wig? snatched.**

WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE YOU GUYS PARTED WAYS

**sugar content**

GUYS I THINK I HAVE A CRUSH????

**sugar content**

WE EXCHANGED PHONE NUMBERS SO WE CAN CONTACT EACH OTHER FOR DANCE PRACTSIC HASDAJKFHBASJBASJCHASBCHSBASJB

**sugar content**

AND HE SMILED AT ME LIKE AN ANGEL AND SAID “NOW I HAVE MY SAVIOR ON SPEED DIAL”

**sugar content**

THEN HE SAID “SEE YOU IN THE NEXT CLASS, SAKATA” AND I WAS LIKE “CALL ME GINTOKI MAN ITS FINE” I SWEAR HE GOT ALL SHY AND SAID “YEAH OK GINTOKI YOU CAN CALL ME TOSHIROU NOW TOO THANKS FOR SAVING ME TONIGHT”

**sugar content**

I…. HAVE. A. CRUSH.

**wig? snatched.**

OoOoOoOoOo sWeEt ViCtORy

**walmart sasuke**

ur one lucky bitch I swear to god–

**walmart sasuke**

U GUYS ARE EVEN ON FIRST NAME BASIS FROM THE MOMENT YOU TALKED TO EACH OTHER

**The Manager**

I cant fuckin believe this all happened while we waited for u and zura dropped his ice cream on the floor

**sugar content**

YO ZURA WHAT THE FRICK AHAHAHHAHAHA

**wig? snatched.**

@Sakamoto hoe it was ur fault in the first place

**wig? snatched.**

You were making this weird helicopter thingy and you just WHOOSHED YOUR ARM IN MY DIRECTION

**The Manager**

IM SO SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN IT

_wig? snatched. changed The Manager’s name to SakamotHOE_

**SakamotHOE**

ZURA YOU CAN’T DON’T DO THIS

**SakamotHOE**

WE ARE BROTHERS ZURA

**wig? snatched.**

it is what you deserve

**SakamotHOE**

Ill buy u another one from this fancy place mutsu and I found that sells delicious yogurt 😊

**walmart sasuke**

lmaooo u and mutsu always find the best food spots in town are u some some kind of secret Michelin judge or smth AHSHAHSHHSAHSHAHSAHAH

**SakamotHOE**

Im an adventurer in a foodie sense

**wig? snatched.**

Are you an adventurer in bed too? HAHAHAHAHAH

**SakamotHOE**

HEY no virgin shaming in this household we’re all cherry boys here

**sugar content**

y’all im still giggling over the ice cream incident HAHAHAHAHAHA

**walmart sasuke**

come on over to the dorms savior, imma order samgyupsal for everybody

**sugar content**

oooh yeah you’re the best shinsuke <3

**SakamotHOE**

hell yeah can I bring The Drinks??

**wig? snatched.**

Of fuckin course coz it’s the weekend tatsuma we can get wasted and sleep over

**walmart sasuke**

DON’T YOU DARE SLEEP ON MY BED BRING YOUR OWN FUTON OVER

**wig? snatched.**

fine drama queen im bringing my pillows too if you want

**sugar content**

@SakamotHOE didn’t you say u downloaded Hereditary last Friday??

**SakamotHOE**

Oooh yaaas u guys wanna see some cult horror shit??

**walmart sasuke**

you know what im too immune to horror at this point just bring ur laptop and projector we’ll watch movies all night

**sugar content**

@wig? snatched. text me or whatever im picking you up in Oboro’s car since u live far

**wig? snatched.**

aight but later coz im buying us all junk foods and soda

**SakamotHOE**

hEY what about ME?

**walmart sasuke**

YOU LITERALLY LIVE NEXT DOOR YOU DUMBASS

**SakamotHOE**

Oh hi neighbor u just raised ur middle finger at me HAHAHAHAHAH

**sugar content**

otw see ya later!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let our response be.... sana all
> 
> Also, after they watched movies, Katsura sleeps in Shinsuke's closet which smells like mothballs (he vehemently denies this). Gintoki sleeps in Tatsuma's room because why the hell not?? but then freaks out because his coat hanger looks like the grandma's ghost in Hereditary and almost shit himself hJSBhjdjhadjhkdgaJLDHskfashj


	3. disgursting shiet.jpeg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “My happiness is your demise.” - Gintoki, probably, while filming Shinsuke who was tricked into eating spicy noodles and began choking and rolling on the floor in agony.
> 
> The Office vibes were strong at the start of the story sksksksakskaks

**[Private Message, Sakata Gintoki]**

**Hijikata Toshirou**

Hi Gintoki, it’s Hijikata from history class!!

**Hijikata Toshirou**

And PE class as well!! Hahahahahaha

**Hijikata Toshirou**

I know you’re probably busy, so I’ll leave some messages for you to read.

**Hijikata Toshirou**

Thank you so much for coming to my rescue that time! I really appreciate it <3

**Hijikata Toshirou**

I still feel shaken up over the whole thing that I slept over with a close friend of mine after I told them what happened.

**Hijikata Toshirou**

Tsukuyo (the friend I mentioned above), told me to be more careful with the people I meet, and she was shocked to find that I didn’t even know a thing about that guy! He literally stalked me in that parking lot and kept inviting me over to his house!!

**Hijikata Toshirou**

I didn’t know the guy’s name. I’m scared he’ll come back, but I promised to be extra cautious when doing things alone 😊

**Hijikata Toshirou**

That’s why I was glad you came to the rescue! I feel like a damsel HAHAHAHAH…… you should really teach me how to pack a solid punch like that sometime 😊

**Hijikata Toshirou**

Well, since you’re also my dance partner, I was wondering if I could reach out to you this way too. Is it ok to privately message you? Or call the number you gave me? I was hoping we could set up a schedule for practices.

**Hijikata Toshirou**

Maybe we could work out a time where we’re both available 😊

**Hijikata Toshirou**

I’m bad at dancing but let’s do our best!!

\---

**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

**sugar content**

_sent 3 photos_

**sugar content**

OH MY GOD OKAY IT’S HAPPENING

**sugar content**

EVERYBODY STAY CALM

**wig? snatched.**

WELL FUCK ME IN THE ASS IS THIS LEGIT

**sugar content**

IM NOT FUCKIN UR ASS YOU WIG

**sugar content**

AND YES!!! THIS! IS! REAL!!

**wig? snatched.**

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS

**wig? snatched.**

SJFHSKFHAFGUFGHAFHSKLFJHGSDKDGNKS.DFMAS.

**SakamotHOE**

WHAT’S THE PROCEDURE EVERYONE WHAT’S THE PROCEDURE

**SakamotHOE**

OH GOD OH GOD IM SRSLY GONNA THROW UP IN HAPPINESS

**walmart sasuke**

STAY FUCKING CALM

**sugar content**

FUCK FUCK WHAT DO I SAY GDI HELP

**walmart sasuke**

I SAID STAY CALM SHUT UPPPP

**sugar content**

OK FINE

**sugar content**

quit with the capslocks!! we gotta do something!!

**wig? snatched.**

oh god im srsly glad he’s doing ok

**wig? snatched.**

having to deal with shit like that must be tough

**SakamotHOE**

so glad everything’s been resolved

**walmart sasuke**

are you serious tatsuma?

**walmart sasuke**

gintoki hasn’t replied yet

**sugar content**

ok ok I think I know what to reply now

**SakamotHOE**

Really?? What is it?

**sugar content**

“sure haha ok”

**SakamotHOE**

HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT

**walmart sasuke**

the fuck were you on when you decided to type that??

**wig? snatched.**

and here we see two types of people,

**wig? snatched.**

one belongs to an intelligent race capable of communication (Hijikata), the other’s a… well… idk… slime I guess?? (Gintoki)

**sugar content**

you’re really gonna go there aren’t you

**sugar content**

I honestly don’t know what to say!!

**sugar content**

And I ‘ve been exposed to a standard of ‘nice’ that is so low I can’t reply without a. swearing, and b. actually being polite

**walmart sasuke**

R u saying my kind of nice is revolting?

**SakamotHOE**

Shinsuke your kind of nice involves opening my bedroom door at 3am and just staring at me while I’m asleep

**sugar content**

YO WHAT THE FUCK THAT’S CREEPY

**wig? snatched.**

how did u even know he was staring at u

**SakamotHOE**

I checked the hallway cctv footage the next day and there he was

**sugar content**

@Shinsuke why the fuck how the fuck

**walmart sasuke**

idk it just seemed like the nicest thing to do

**sugar content**

oisdljf;sdhfsjfhsjfgsgfailfhaojapw

**wig? snatched.**

Shinsuke? Doing nice things? Please.

**wig? snatched.**

he used up his monthly allowance to buy a shit ton of yakult, dumped it in his bathtub, and started to soak in it

**wig? snatched.**

with his clothes on

**SakamotHOE**

THAT’S NOT NICE AT ALL THAT’S JUST GENUINELY DISGUSTING

**walmart sasuke**

k first of all, what zura the fucking wig said was a lie

**walmart sasuke**

second, like you’re one to talk.

**walmart sasuke**

you literally burned my scalp bc ur so bad at handling a hair dryer

**wig? snatched.**

oh yeah? says the guy who cant tell the difference between vermillion and crimson hair dye and ended up coloring my hair fire engine red

**wig? snatched.**

I HAD TO GO TO CLASSES WITH A BONNET ON FOR DAYS

**sugar content**

Ok stop stop that’s not the point.

**sugar content**

I NEED U GUYS TO HELP ME TALK TO HIM OK?? MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A DECENT HUMAN BEING

**wig? snatched.**

Bold of you to assume you can even be decent in the first place

**walmart sasuke**

How about this? Let’s all write potential replies and we’ll vote which one is the best, I go first.

**walmart sasuke**

I’m glad to be your dancing partner and speaking of partners, I bet your tongue can be a good partner to my ****.

**sugar content**

SHINSUKE I SAID DECENT NOT HORNY.

**walmart sasuke**

Whaaat, that’s what I said to my omegle chat mate before. AND IT WORKED.

**sugar content**

What worked? Ur basically asking to fuck.

**sugar content**

Why are you suggesting me to flirt with him?? I just need to tell him im okay with him calling me

**wig? snatched.**

Okay here’s mine. I want to do more than dance *wink wink*

**sugar content**

Just fucking shut up Zura

**wig? snatched.**

good sir t’was a joke

**SakamotHOE**

D’you still wanna hear mine?

**sugar content**

Just say it. Just fucking say it man.

**SakamotHOE**

Okay. “I’ll text you”, how’s that?

**sugar content**

OMG TATSUMA UR A GENIUS

**wig? snatched.**

My god, that’s so BORING. I vote for Shinsuke’s.

**walmart sasuke**

Yeah, I vote for mine too

**SakamotHOE**

Hey guys, do you accept constructive criticism

**walmart sasuke**

spill it.

**SakamotHOE**

UR REPLIES SUCK. THERE, I SAID IT. MINE WAS BETTER

**walmart sasuke**

BLOCKED.

**SakamotHOE**

Unblock me I need to tell u smth,

**walmart sasuke**

What

**SakamotHOE**

_B i t c h ._

**sugar content**

OH MY GOD Y’ALL’RE LITERALLY USELESS

**sugar content**

You know what, let’s just go with Tatsuma’s. I’ll even add in some words of encouragement. I’m tired of your shit

**SakamotHOE**

Aw yiis ur such a great friend Gintoki <3

**walmart sasuke**

you disgust me you leech

**SakamotHOE**

who u callin’ leech, cockslut

**sugar content**

OOOOOOOOHHHHH :OO

**walmart sasuke**

Tatsuma. You need to go

**wig? snatched.**

Kill him kill him GYAHAHAHAHAH

**SakamotHOE**

I’M SORRY I TAKE IT BACK I DON’T WANNA DIE YET

**SakamotHOE**

I HAVEN’T TASTED THE FREE GLAZED DONUTS THEY HAVE IN THE CAFETERIA

**walmart sasuke**

Too late bitch, IM AT UR DOOR

**walmart sasuke**

_sent a photo_

**walmart sasuke**

Your terrified face pleases me.

**SakamotHOE**

IMSORRYIMSOTRYKUDFEBIAWEI

**sugar content**

BOI he ded. RIP Tatsuma.

**walmart sasuke**

The deed is done

**walmart sasuke**

_sent a photo_

**walmart sasuke**

OSHIT GUYS. TATSUMA’S NOT BREATHING.

**sugar content**

I’ll get the body bag, Zura get the shovel. We’re burying this bitch 6 feet under.

**walmart sasuke**

HAHAHAHAHA Shinpachi just went outside his room to check on Tatsuma. AND HE’S HOLDING THE IDIOT’S WRIST

**walmart sasuke**

He said: “Takasugi san, I think he’s dead.” In the most expressionless way possible.

**walmart sasuke**

Oh. Tatsuma just woke up. Tsk tsk, dammit he was alive after all

**SakamotHOE**

FUCK YOU GUYS I’M NOT HELPING YOU WITH YOUR NEXT MURDER

**sugar content**

AND YOU GUYS NEVER HELPED ME WITH THE REPLIES AT ALL, Y’ALL R STILL FUCKIN USELESS.

**wig? snatched.**

_sent a photo_

**wig? snatched.**

hey uuuh fellas I need some opinions??

**wig? snatched.**

do I look okay?

**walmart sasuke**

mentally? not really

**wig? snatched.**

do u want to die?

**wig? snatched.**

I meant do I look okay in the outfit.

**sugar content**

oof im envious rn

**sugar content**

is that a jumper you’re wearing??

**wig? snatched.**

yeppp do I look super cute??

**sugar content**

I hate to say this, but you absolutely slay it

**wig? snatched.**

aww thanks sweets <3

**sugar content**

<3

**walmart sasuke**

this is disgusting get me out of here tatsuma

**SakamotHOE**

Huh? Oh ok

_SakamotHOE removed walmart sasuke from the conversation_

**sugar content**

WHATABD AWKJDBAKJDAHAHAHSHHAAHH

**wig? snatched.**

BRUH WHAT DID YOU DO HE’LL KILL YOU FOR REALS AHAHAHSHAHSHSAHASHSAHS

**SakamotHOE**

HE SAID HE NEEDED TO GET OUT SO I TOOK HIM OUT

**SakamotHOE**

oH SHIT HE WAS SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY FUCCKCKCKCK

**sugar content**

this crackhead I swear to god–

**wig? snatched.**

bye tatsuma it was nice knowing u

**wig? snatched.**

ill inform mutsu of your death

**wig? snatched.**

she’s the one who’s going to spread your ashes after all

**SakamotHOE**

OH Y GOD Oh MYgo DiM HY pEEventeleitnang

**SakamotHOE**

If if if if if I die please tell her to spread my ashes in that shabu shabu place where we met for the first time….

**sugar content**

don’t worry tatsuma ur in good hands 😊

**SakamotHOE**

Thank you all…. Im going to die in peace knowing im loved

_SakamotHOE added walmart sasuke to the conversation_

**walmart sasuke**

you fuckin bitch

**sugar content**

HAHAHAHAHahHAAHHSAHSHSHhshahshashHAHhHhhHASAH

**SakamotHOE**

Return me to the earth

**walmart sasuke**

im going to spare you this time…. Because you showed me a rlly nice place that sells yakult yogurt 😊

**sugar content**

now that’s disgusting

**walmart sasuke**

what’s more disgusting is zura’s attire

**walmart sasuke**

who the heck are you trying to impress?

**walmart sasuke**

oh wait is it that boy again? Saito?

**walmart sasuke**

ur dance partner??

**wig? snatched.**

duh?? Why wouldn’t I try to impress Saito?

**wig? snatched.**

he’s a sweet guy and I’d like to make a nice impression on him

**sugar content**

bruh the author of the fic didn’t mention a rarepair y the heck r u ruining the story?

**wig? snatched.**

I can do what I want the author can go fuck herself

**walmart sasuke**

times like this are why I am reminded why we collectively hate u zura

**walmart sasuke**

ur a fuckin menace to society

**wig? snatched.**

shush u ingrate

**SakamotHOE**

girls calm down we all know zura’s practically married to his duck

**wig? snatched.**

speaking of impressing dance partners

**wig? snatched.**

@Gintoki have you actually properly replied to Hijikata’s chats??

**SakamotHOE**

Oh yeah, did you really??

**sugar content**

can we just continue talking abt zura’s duck

**walmart sasuke**

no freaking way, we want updates on ur romance

**sugar content**

i

**sugar content**

fuck you

**wig? snatched.**

no, fuck YOU coz you didn’t even do anything

**wig? snatched.**

recitals are nearing and u ain’t doing SHIT

**sugar content**

I already have a song in mind, anyway. Plus I got Souichiro to choreograph the entire thing and he sent me a full video 😊

**walmart sasuke**

im sorry what

**walmart sasuke**

whomst??

**sugar content**

Souichiro?? Kagura’s current boyfriend??

**sugar content**

that brown haired boy from the uni dance crew??

**wig? snatched.**

oh my fucking goddd you amnesiac

**wig? snatched.**

HIS NAME IS SOUGO

**sugar content**

W HA T

**sugar content**

WAIT HAHSHSHHSHSHASHA AWHAT WHAT

**SakamotHOE**

YOUR MEMORY IS SO TRASHY WHAT THE FUCK

**walmart sasuke**

AND HE WAS SO CONFIDENT TOO AHSHSAHJSAKDASJFASKUFGWURKWAFBJ

**sugar content**

STOP STOP IT STOP IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

**walmart sasuke**

u disgrace

**sugar content**

☹

**walmart sasuke**

but still tho, no wayyyy

**walmart sasuke**

you actually made that sadistic brat choreograph you a full song??

**sugar content**

he asked me for kagura’s baby pics so I gave it to him and he agreed

**SakamotHOE**

WHAT THAT’S IT?

**wig? snatched.**

WHY W WNDJSDBSAJHASJABWWW ;WDKD

**sugar content**

idk I have my own stash of baby kagura photos so I gave them all

**sugar content**

the next day he sent me the dance video in my google drive

**sugar content**

pretty neat huh?

**sugar content**

he says he needs the photos for a collage he was working on

**SakamotHOE**

Hhhh sounds creepy

**wig? snatched.**

bruh all of gintoki’s friends are creepy

**wig? snatched.**

oh wait

**sugar content**

were u trying to exclude urself? HAHAHAHAHAHAH

**walmart sasuke**

zura’s fuckin cancelledt SHSHhshHASHHAHshaahs

**SakamotHOE**

wait so if you’ve already prepared why aren’t you contacting hijikata??

**sugar content**

oh

**sugar content**

lol

**walmart sasuke**

what you mean ‘lol’

**sugar content**

I still haven’t replied

**SakamotHOE**

WHWWHWHWHWHHWHWHWHWHW

**walmart sasuke**

YOU’RE TELLING US THAT NOW

**sugar content**

B-but i’m so shy UwU

**wig? snatched.**

SO SHY HE SAYS

**wig? snatched.**

WHICH PART OF YOU IS SHY? YOU’RE THE MOST THICK-FACED PERSON I’VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE

**sugar content**

SstOp CaLinG Me OuT dAMMiT

**walmart sasuke**

JUST FUCKIN TALK TO HIM

**sugar content**

F I N E

**walmart sasuke**

u better reply or istg im coming over and holding a knife at ur throat while u type

**walmart sasuke**

this boi better be so impressed with your writing prose he’s gonna propose on the spot

**SakamotHOE**

wkwkwkwkjjkjdsdwlfhufguelfblvvjklcniwohbowui

**sugar content**

bruh this isn’t about impressing my crush

**sugar content**

he’s my dance partner first and foremost, I gotta make friends with him

**SakamotHOE**

Oh my god is this going to be a strangers to friends to lovers kinda thing??

**sugar content**

its not love!!! I just want to be friends

**walmart sasuke**

that’s where it always starts

**walmart sasuke**

and then the next gintoki will prolly be narrating the color of hijikata’s eyes in full detail at 3 am

**walmart sasuke**

or drunk call the poor guy and confess his love

**walmart sasuke**

then forget about it in the morning and the next time they meet its 100% sexual tension hahahahHhahhaHAHha

**sugar content**

WHYYYY

**wig? snatched.**

HAHAAHhaHhahahHAHhha HOW MANY A03 FICS HAVE YOU BEEN READING SKSKSKSKSKKS

**walmart sasuke**

I’ve read enough to know where this is going

**sugar content**

and im telling you it’s not like that!!

**sugar content**

ugh shit my vacant period’s over. Im heading over to class now

**walmart sasuke**

sucks to be u I guess

**sugar content**

ah ah ah hol up

**sugar content**

don’t u have ethics class with nobu nobu the male professor umbridge?

**wig? snatched.**

SUCKS TO BE U I GUESS

**walmart sasuke**

not really, the entire class has a blueprint of where, when, how, and what to kill him off after we graduate

**walmart sasuke**

his time is running out

**SakamotHOE**

just so you know, im not covering your expenses to bail you out

**sugar content**

Good luck with the murder SKksKSKskKSKksKSKksk

**walmart sasuke**

good luck with ur replies to hijikata, gintoki 😊

**sugar content**

I hate you so much

**walmart sasuke**

<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanfic headcanon: Gintoki wears bonnets and that some of his clothes and footwear come from Oboro. Shinsuke doesn’t always wear black clothes like an edgelord, but he does like hoodies paired with skinny ripped jeans. Tatsuma always has an article of clothing that comes from some branded boutique like Forever 21 or Gucci. Zura has a feminine style of dressing. He’s no stranger to flowy skirts, jumpers, or blouses


	4. i've been dreaming of a true love's kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chap will be featuring chats with different nicknames so im gonna take a wild guess that you'll be confused over it so imma just put a little indicator here:
> 
> Actually, why didn't I make this sooner? HAHHAHAHAHAHA
> 
> 1.The Joui Squad GC  
> sugar content -Gintoki  
> walmart sasuke -Takasugi  
> wig? snatched. -Katsura  
> SakamotHOE -Sakamoto
> 
> 2\. A group where we all pretend that we're gintoki's wingmen GC (this is a separate one from joui squad were gintoki was not added)
> 
> are you lost baby girl? me too -Sakamoto  
> zurald trump -Katsura  
> the backbone of this household -Takasugi
> 
> 3\. Private Message, Sakata Gintoki & Katsura Kotarou
> 
> katzura- Katsura  
> silverballs- Gintoki
> 
> okay thats all lmao brrrrt

**[Private Message, Hijikata Toshirou]**

**Sakata Gintoki**  
hey uuuuuh sorry for the late reply :(((

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
my majors are eating up my time, so seeing ur messages made me embarrassed at not even reaching out at all

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
Oh my! I finally caught you online <3 That is absolutely okay! I understand because exams and events are piling up. 

  
**Hijikata Toshirou**  
We still have time to practice. Plus the professor isn't super strict about the hip hop thing, so we have liberty to do what we want :)

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
ur so sweet omg >\\\<

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
oh hahahaha stop stop you're the sweet one here ^_^

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
I can't thank you enough for what happened a few days ago....

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
I was so paralyzed I couldn't even fight back at him.

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
man, it's okay 👌

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
i punched a couple of guys like him back in the day

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
i have a friend who's sister got harrassed by a lot of assholes in public

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
so yeah, i pack a "solid punch" lol

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
lmaohowdoyoudeletemessagesomgomgomg

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
This is so hilarious 🤣

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
i'll def teach u sometime

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
THAT IS.... if it's what you want....

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
Well, since I also asked, I'm taking you up on that offer 😊

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
😊

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you!!

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
I already have a song and dance prepared!

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
a friend of mine helped me with the choreo and he just sent it to me

  
**Sakata Gintoki**   
_sent a video_

  
**Sakata Gintoki**  
what do you think?

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
This is awesome! It looks super easy to follow too 😮

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
Thank you for doing this

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
this is basically me compensating for not contacting you sooner 

  
**Hijikata Toshirou**  
😮😮

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
think you can handle it?

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
It's okay 😊 It's just a requirement anyway, so I doubt we're really forced to dance like pros.

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
awesome sauce 👌 

  
**Sakata Gintoki**  
also, feel free to text me whenever u want, im usually spending my hours on vacant periods doing nothing anyway, i'd come to u if you give me the go signal

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
That's extremely helpful, I'll do that. Calling you is good too? 

  
**Sakata Gintoki**  
oh yaah, you can use my number 😊

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
Then it's settled

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
awesome sauce?? 👌👌 hahaha

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
y r u so cute 🤣🤣

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
>\\\\\<

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
oof classes are starting.... i gotta go sorry :((

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
I'll let you go now.... call you later, yeah?

  
 **Sakata Gintoki**  
Yeeepp, bye awesome sauce 👉🤣👉

  
 **Hijikata Toshirou**  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

\---

**[A group where we all pretend that we're gintoki's wingmen Group Chat]**

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**  
yooOOOOOOOOOOO

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
I SEE SOMEONE'S FINALLY SHOOT THEIR SHOT SSKSKSKAKSKSKS

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**   
_sent a photo_

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**  
MY E Y E S ARE B L E S S E D AHAhAHaHaAH

  
 **zurald trump**  
FUCK I THINK I JUST HALLUCINATED GINTOKI AND HIJIKATA WALKING T O G E T H E R???

  
 **zurald trump**  
IN THE QUAD¿¿??¿??¿¿

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE UR EYES

  
 **zurald trump**  
STOP SINGING FIREFLIES IM PANICKING

  
 **zurald trump**  
WE GOTTA SPY ON THEM PRONTO

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**   
_sent a recording_

  
**zurald trump**  
TATSUMA STOP SENDING YOUR UGLY LAUGHING 

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**  
u gotta have to pry that laugh from my cold, dead hands

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
it sounds like gintoki's car wipers when it rains

  
 **zurald trump**  
HAHAHAHAHAHSHAHAHAHAH

  
 **zurald trump**  
dont mention his name rn ohmygod the receipts i just got 

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**  
IFKR WHY DIDNT HE TELL US

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
OOOOF TARGET JUST APPROACHED THE SKY GYM IM HEADING OVER THERE

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
wAIT WAIT IM COMING WAIT FOR ME

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
you can go but in not gonna fuckin share hiding spaces

  
 **zurald trump**  
Y'all this is a stealth stakeout mission not a hide and seek game skskslsksks

  
 **zurald trump**  
oOOOOOOooOOOh SHIT HE ALMOST SAW ME AHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
where tf r u anyway??

  
 **zurald trump**  
i just entered the elevator before gintoki could

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
shinsuke dONT YOU DARE TURN AROUND

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
GINTOKI'S COMING UR WAY PULL UR HOODIE UP HIDE JUST DONT LET HIM SEE U!!!

  
 **zurald trump**  
Takasugi Shinsuke if u fuckin blow this whole operation up imma beat ur ugly ass

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
dont worry i got this 👌

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
coast clear!! you can get out of the trash shinsuke

  
 **zurald trump**  
WH AT 

  
**zurald trump**  
OF ALL PLACES TO HIDE—

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
I WASN'T INSIDE THE TRASH CAN YOU IMBECILE IT WAS MADAO THE JANITOR

  
 **zurald trump**  
WhwhwhhwhwhHhwhHwhwh

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
aw man sorry i thought it was u HAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
u guys have the same jacket design its an ugly mustard color

  
 **zurald trump**  
W H E E Z E 

  
**the backbone of this household**  
YOU DARE INSULT MY HOODIE

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
but it ugly

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
im never letting you near me again 

  
**zurald trump**  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

\---

 **zurald trump**  
ok so like

  
 **zurald trump**  
Ive been watching them for three minutes now

  
 **zurald trump**  
can i say smth??

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
shoot

  
**zurald trump**   
_sent a video_

  
**zurald trump**  
gintoki dances like a worm 

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**  
HHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
LEGIT THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT AAHHASHAHAHSHS

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
hijikata looks so effortless thoooo <3

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
im 99.99% sure he doesnt sweat, poop, or get dirt in his eyes tf

  
 **zurald trump**  
he's a pretty boy 💖💖

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
bruh gintoki's face is so ugly

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**   
_sent 8 photos_

  
**zurald trump**  
I CANT BRE ATHE yvYAHW EJSAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
DOING GOD'S WORK HAHAHAAHHAHAAH

  
 **zurald trump**  
ZOOM IT IN MORE 

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**   
_sent a photo_

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**  
im not saying im a professional editor but im a professional editor

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
Legit i C H O K E D

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
im crying he looks ugly af

  
 **zurald trump**  
jfc what is he DOING??

  
**zurald trump**   
_sent a video_

  
**zurald trump**  
is he trying to kill hijikata or???

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
hey quick question why does your camera have great quality its like a fancam for a TWICE concert

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
where the hell are you hiding?

  
 **zurald trump**  
the vents

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
LEGIT??? 

  
**zurald trump**  
u are so easy to fool HAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **zurald trump**  
im actually blending in with the freshies 

  
**zurald trump**   
_sent a photo_

  
**zurald trump**  
say hi to shinpachi guys

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
the original backbone of the household

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
nursing students are surreal

  
 **zurald trump**  
🤣

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
yo i cant take this anymore is gintoki trying a spin??

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
he's gonna kill his partner omg

  
 **zurald trump**  
they just took a break and he's looking through his phone

  
 **zurald trump**  
dont worry i got this

  
\---

**[Private Message, Sakata Gintoki]**

**katzura**  
bitch.

  
 **katzura**  
u better dance properly in front of hijikata or im gonna shoot u in the face

  
 **silverballs**  
the fuck??

\---

**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

  
**sugar content**  
can someone explain to me why zura the fucking wig knows what im doing rn

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
so u have awakened

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
I thought you'd never notice

  
 **sugar content**  
cut the crap wth is going on

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
eugh zura you dickwad i thought this was a stealth mission??

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
Teehee~ I messed up! 😋😅

  
 **sugar content**  
a stealth

  
 **sugar content**  
wait

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
he's gonna blow up in 

  
**wig? snatched.**  
3

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
2

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
1

  
 **sugar content**  
WHERE U GUYS SPYING ON US??!?!?

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
🎉 🎊 🎉 🎊 🎉 🎊

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
CONGRATS!!! 

  
**walmart sasuke**  
he actually guessed it right on the first try lmao

  
 **sugar content**  
OH MY GOD SRSLY???

  
 **sugar content**  
where r u??

  
 **sugar content**  
wait nononono dont come out hijikata shouldnt see u guys

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
Why not?

  
 **sugar content**  
because you're fuckin embarrassing thats why

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
wow ok first of all rude

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
nah he's right lol

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
remember zura's first ex?? he brought the guy over to the dorms and he saw you and gintoki watching porn HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
then he also saw shinsuke stick his tongue straight to the nutella jar while maintaining eye contact akakskskwsklsdkdjsjfhsu

  
 **wig? snatched**.  
WHY WOULD U BRING THAT UP OH GODDD

  
 **sugar content**  
I MISS THOSE DAYS AHAHHAHAAHHAHA

  
 **sugar content**  
we hated the guy so much we made his life a living hell

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
memories bring back memories bring back you

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
to be fair, he was indeed unbearable

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
glad that was over whew

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
ugh but my butt hurts from hiding in this cramped closet thingy where do i go 

  
**sugar content**  
where's tatsuma?

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
lol im beside shinsuke

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
smells like mothballs in here, amirite shinsuke??

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
dont u dare forget u said my hoodie was ugly u bastard i will still end u

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
legit hijikata looks so pretty even when he's resting omg

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
sent a photo

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
💖💖

  
 **sugar content**  
ikr he looks so happy

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
u look really happy too

  
 **sugar content**  
course i am! he's so kind and patient when he's trying to nail a move

  
 **sugar content**  
and did i mention he's super encouraging? when i do something wrong hijikata just tells me it's okay and then promises he wont say anything else lmaooo

  
 **sugar content**  
isn't he cute???

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
it has begun

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
@Sakamoto it's finally materializing jesus christ

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
told u its strangers to friends to lovers

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
no fics could ever prepare me for the cheesiness 

  
**sugar content**  
hOL UP S T O P 

  
**sugar content**  
stop making me blush in front of him?? aksbdjapehdidvidiabd

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
ur dance moves are still questionable tho

  
**walmart sasuke**   
_sent a photo_

  
**walmart sasuke**  
Dude

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
I can see you from here

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
What the fuck are you doing

  
 **sugar content**  
My fucking best what else

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
u call ‘nearly suffocating your dance partner just from doing a spin’ ur best?

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
pathetic

  
 **sugar content**  
may i remind u its SOUGO who's the dancer and not me

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
wow he finally remembered the brat's name congrats y'all

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
SSkLsKKsKksKskKkskMsksksdsk

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
uuuugh my next class is coming up what to do??

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
S K I P C A R D

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
but this is my major tho

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
just fuckin skip m8 arent u the highest scoring student they have in your dept.???

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
ew ur parents will be disappointed in u shinsuke

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
his father's already disappointed in him

  
 **sugar content**  
TATSUMA U LIL SHIT HAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
@Sakamoto prepare to die

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
Ohgodimsorry stopkicking jsoendbfinkelwlsm

  
 **sugar content**  
lmao break time's over imma practice again byeee 👏👏

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
i made up my mind, im skipping

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
shinsukeeee see ya at the caf laterrr

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
im sorry lemme just kick the shit out of tatsuma then ill catch up

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
RIP lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my classmate in our gc: hey guys im selling brownies!! pm me for those who are interested UwU
> 
> me, an idiot who can't say polite things for shit: are those pot brownies?
> 
> Online classes are taking up most of my time now, but rest assured I'll still be uploading chapters but in a slower pace 😋 Also I still can't believe I'm already a college sophomore. I just didn't feel it because of the pandemic and I kept to myself at home HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH


	5. through good times and bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i just missed my scholarship renewal deadline im gonna get an ass beating and probably disownment from my family k bye

  
**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

_sugar content changed their name to strawberry parfait_

  
**strawberry parfait**  
aaaah the life

  
**strawberry parfait**   
_sent a photo_

  
**strawberry parfait**  
isn't she a dream?

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
legit that looks so good tho?? now im craving for parfaits sksjajdjaksmfnfj

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
wait isn't that cafe familiar?

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
yah, it's the cafe u made us go to tatsuma

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
the one with the huge rabbit statue in front 

  
**SakamotHOE**  
wish i could go with you @Gintoki

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
ew fuck no dont ruin my date

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
WAIT NO NOTNWHAT I MEANT WHRBEIKZC A

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
im sORRY UR WHAT

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
GinTOkI wHat Do yOu MeaN

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
ARE YOU PERHAPS

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
WITH HIJIKATA???

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
>\\\\\<

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
GUYS I THINK MY BRAIN BROKE ITSELF SHAHDJDKQIDBC AD

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
WAIT WAIT HOL UP N A N I

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
NO NO NO THAT WASNT IT OH MY GOD LEMME EXPLAIN FFS

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
IT'S JUST A FRIENDLY DATE YJASKDICNEIDBAIBDS

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
i had a heart attack u fuckin asshole 

  
**wig? snatched.**  
@Gintoki you guys done with practice already??

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
yaaah then toshirou said he wants to eat smth before going home, then he asked me if i knew any good places with crepes, so i brought him here

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
SAKATA, NICE RECEIVE

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
what did you say?

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
screenshots incoming

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
i though he might feel uncomfortable abt two guys going into some cutesy cafe together, so i was kinda like "u really wanna go with me? i dont mind if we change venues y'know"

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
i squirmed he got reallly excited at the prospect of the cafe and he was literally dragging me????

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
so we go inside the cafe and he's loving it, admiring everything and all. I sit with him and he deadass gave me a funny look like??? what you want to tell me???

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
so i asked him if he was okay and he said, and i quote "it feels like we're on a date"

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
HAHAHSJAKEHDIWBDJW9QDBX 

  
**SakamotHOE**  
ayoooOOOooOOOOOO

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
GET IT GINTOKIIII AHSHSJAODBSIWBDU

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
I WAS BLUSHING??? AND I THOUGHT YA KNOW, MAYBE HE DOESNT REALLY MIND AFTER ALL AND HE JUST F E L T LIKE IT WAS A DATE OR SMTH IDK MAN HELP DHEIENFBIANWIAJDXJ

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
then i was like "oooh hahaha lol coz we're in some cute cafe??" and he nodded and started blushing too??? like WHAT IS IT 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
"ah but it is nice being on a friendly date with someone you know.... can i call it that? a friendly date? i dont wanna make this like some temporary thing!! let's be friends even after the dance recitals"

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
Im crryyiing he thinks it's a friendly date and not some obligatory thing i did for him 😭😭😭

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
ARE YOU LITERALLY TYPING THIS IN FRONT OF HIJIKATA RN???

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
I WOULD NEVER 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
IM CURRENTLY IN THE BATHROOM 

  
**SakamotHOE**  
STRANGERS TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
STOP REMINDING ME ABT THAT KSAOALSKFHFUWNF

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
SAY YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF IT WAS A REAL DATE

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
NO FUCKIN WAY I DONT WANNA BE REJECTED

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
GET TF BACK IN UR TABLE STOP HIDING IN THE TOILET

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
F I N E

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
i just got back and aaaaah he wants me to take a sip of his drink Iajsiwjdxjowbriwndbs

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
i dont wanna snap a photo coz he might get mad but

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
his cheeks are full with food (so cute!!!) and he's doing that pretty laugh right now??? 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
deadass im gonna die in my seat 

  
**walmart sasuke**  
oh my god is it going to be like this from now on???

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
this is so bad for my health why y'all gotta be like this

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
dude u r so fuckin WHIPPED

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
dont you think i dont know that?? omg

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
Uuuuugh i dont wanna chat with u guys i wanna savor this moment for awhile

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
oof he took a cake slice from me kasjdiadjwofnsld please take my heart instead >\\\\\<

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
go stop chatting and GET IT GINTOKI

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
Fuckin👏enjoy👏that👏friendly👏date👏👏👏

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
clink clink bitch i call dibs on the best man speech in the future

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
BYE YOU FUCKIN IDIOTS JAJDBFOSBFUABDUABS

  
\---

**[A group where we all pretend to be gintoki's wingmen Group Chat]**

  
_are you lost baby girl? me too added Shinpachi Shimura to the conversation_

  
**Shinpachi Shimura**  
this is my 47th group chat please get me out of here

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
no.

  
_Shinpachi Shimura added Kagura to the conversation_

  
**Shinpachi Shimura**  
ur goin to hell with me

  
 **Kagura**  
bitch wtf

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
@Shinpachi ayooo it's mah favorite boiiii

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
Takasugi-san <3 I haven't seen you since the legendary Sakamoto Almost Dies From Being Tickled incident

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
StOp dont make me remember that shit HAHSHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **zurald trump**  
@Kagura oh my god leader?!?!?!

  
 **Kagura**  
ZURAAAAA YOU FUCKIN WIG I MISS YOUUUU <3

  
 **zurald trump**  
you absolute beautiful wreck i miss you too 😭😭

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
legit this is so emotional??

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
im the only one without any younger friends smh

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
Seriously?? But you have Mutsu????

  
 **Kagura**  
Mutsu is quaking

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
mutsu who? y'all can claim her i dont know this person

  
_Shinpachi Shimura added Mutsu to the conversation_

  
**Shinpachi Shimura**  
There. Fixed it.

  
 **Mutsu**  
a disgrace

  
 **Mutsu**  
an abomination

  
 **Mutsu**  
and most of all

  
 **Mutsu**  
a sore loser in UNO

  
 **Mutsu**  
@Sakamoto how dare u not invite me to this glorious event

  
 **the backbone** **of this household**  
TATSUMA'S FUCKING CANCELLEDT Y'ALL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **Kagura**  
The Queen went off 👑👑👑

  
_Kagura changed Mutsu's name to Boss Bitch_

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**  
i

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
please forgive me

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
is someone speaking to me?? im pretty sure there's only 5 of us in here

  
 **zurald trump**  
GET REKT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
I can never get enough of this 🤣🤣

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
mutsuuuuu

**Boss Bitch**  
ew 

  
**Boss Bitch**  
if u really want to be forgiven just buy me a month's worth of croquettes

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
Noted. Scheduled. Done.

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
😋

  
 **Kagura**  
looks like the gang is all here together??

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
not really tho

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
Gin-san isn't here

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
oh wait late realization HAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
das right pattsuan

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
we're all gathered here today to help an old friend

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
to pursue the love of his life

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
we'd like to officially set up our wingmen status by gathering updates and making sure no one interferes nor ruins the whole thing

  
 **zurald trump**  
the main goal is to get them together!! sounds simple, but there's a catch: we cant make plans that aren't agreed upon coz that'll ruin the magic, so we have to work as a team

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
But what happens if it doesn't work?? Like what if Hijikata-san doesn't actually like him at all?

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
then we stop everything. we cant force it after all, and if no one is happy with the arrangement there's nothing more we can do but comfort Gin and make him forget for awhile

  
 **zurald trump**  
If we find that hijikata doesnt really like him, we have to deal with the heartbreak ourselves.

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
If the operation fails, we get Gin home, get him wasted, and throw him in a ditch

  
 **Kagura**  
sounds good i volunteer to throw him

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
HAAKSJDHFUEBDIAKAODICIAN

  
 **zurald trump**  
anyways, this isn't a 'for fun thing' that we just did on a whim

  
 **zurald trump**  
we really want him to grow some balls to confess

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
that's neat

  
 **Kagura**  
who knows they might get married

  
 **Kagura**  
now i wanna meet hijikata and see if they're compatible

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
every single one involved in this chat is gonna fight over who's the best man at their wedding HAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
trust me kags they are so compatible that it puts romeo and juliet's relationship to shame

  
 **zurald trump**  
but they died???

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
exactly.

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
quick question tho

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
why are you going so far just to help gin?

  
 **zurald trump**  
lol because he's the one who got the joui squad together in the first place

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
i was in a bad place before he met me so....

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
im glad i became friends with him 

  
**are you lost baby girl? me too**  
gin didnt like me because i was rich and could afford stuff he couldn't..... he just wanted to be friends 😊

  
 **zurald trump**  
yeah, and i used to frown a lot and was so serious with acads and stuff..... gin helped me loosen up and enjoy life for a little bit lol

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
Well, since you guys are sharing emotional stories I'm going to share mine too.

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
Gin-san actually persuaded me to take nursing for college. Even when I didn't have enough courage and always wanted to be like Aneue..... he gave me reason to believe in my skills to be a future nurse 😊

  
 **Kagura**   
he also introduced me to my current sadistic bf..... and honest to god i love sougo with all my heart

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
I don't have a heartwarming story but

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
we once puked in one toilet in a college party

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
so like

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
we kinda shared a bonding moment

  
 **Kagura**  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG SJAKLWSJXUBSHJA

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
this is so mutsu i cant Hahahdjfkazhahdhhaia

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
why have i not heard of this before?

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
oh well you were passed out on the couch coz i decked you in the face for trying to grab my bra straps at the back

  
 **zurald trump**  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
ugh i remember...... that shit was wild i thought it was a slingshot

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
yoU THOUGHT IT WAS A SLINGSHOT I'MADJSJWMSLFJCBWJAODHAB

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
👑👑

  
 **zurald trump**  
i think after that incident with the bra straps tatsuma woke up and got punched again HAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
oh yaaah tatsuma didnt even do anything he just got punched because he looked fuckin ugly

  
 **Kagura**  
W H E E Z E

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
LEGIT THO SOMETIMES HE LOOKS UGLY IN ODD ANGLES HAHAHAHSHSHAHA

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
euuuugh fuck off dont start liking me if i get surgery on my face

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
dont worry, we'll still hate you

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
AAAAAGH MY WIG FELL OFF HAHAHAHAHA

  
 **zurald trump**  
booOM BITCH GET OUT THE WAY 

  
**Kagura**  
THE ENEMY HAS BEEN SLAIN

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
👑👑👑

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's my sister's birth month and my surprise edit video is still in my head and im not doing anything abt it lol 
> 
> also update on the scholarship renewal: they extended the thing till july 4, so guess who's the idiot who sent the admin a shit ton of mails to get their attention HAHSHSHSHSAHSHAH


	6. oh my god can you let me do what i need to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was so uninspired uuuuugh how do u comedy??
> 
> Last filler chapter before the Intramurals Arc (wow, is this a manga or smth HAHAHAHAHA)

**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

  
**strawberry parfait**  
its 3 am why is everyone still up??

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
why are YOU awake then

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
been up all night thinking of hijikata? 

  
**wig? snatched.**  
of his smooth jet black hair?

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
his smile and dimples?

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
his drowning baby blues?

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
when he stole your cake and your heart went oof—

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
oooOOOOH MY GOP STOP STOOOP S T O P

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
I WASN'T DOING THAT

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
hoho

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
shUT UP SkKskKahdhaians

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
im workin on my essays

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
ew boring

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
YOU'RE boring

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
its true ur boring as all hell shinsuke

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
you have the audacity to say that when you snorted coke up ur nose yesterday coz i slapped kamui square in the face for stealing my food

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
I DIDNT EXPECT U YOU TO DO THAT IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY AHSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
little shit almost took my last bite of sushi smh

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
@Katsura why the heck are you awake at this hour anyway??

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
oh well uh.....

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
i was chatting saito up 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
i wAs ChAtTinG SaiTo uP

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
SHsHshHhsHshHshssHshhSH

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
u reallllly like him?

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
not LIKE that..... he seems really nice so i hang around

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
bruh stop overruling the currently sailing ship, amirite Gintoki?

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
THERE IS NO SAILING SHIP

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
yaaah.... no. there is a sailing ship

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
noice 👌

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
eyy yoo welcome to the 3 am gang

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
WHY ARE YOU AWAKE???

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
who me? im eating chips

  
**SakamotHOE**   
_sent a photo_

  
**SakamotHOE**  
i hve to eat them before my entire bloodline discovers the existence of this Cheetos

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
every single person in this house is a fridge hunter and im not letting any of them touch my food

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
ok fair

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
i mean have you seen tatsuma's mom??

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
she even sniffed out his stash of chocolates underneath his desk and she didnt even go up his room SKSKSKALAKSKAWJAJ

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
bruh ur family's a whole pack of coyotes

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
HAHAHAHSHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
stop making me laugh rn Oboro's asleep in the next room 🤣🤣

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
say.... i've always been curious of something....

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
you mention oboro sometimes but what exactly is your relationship???

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
like are u failed clone experiments shoyou made or....??

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
im sORRY CLONE EXPERIMENTS AHSHSHHAHAHSHAHA

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
I SPAT MY COFFEE OUT 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
lmaooo he's my adopted brother 🤣

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
we're both adopted by shoyou..... we came from the same foster home and all that.

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
the brother thing just sort of stuck coz we've been friends since forever

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
we're not related we just kind of look alike but not really??? idk 

  
**wig? snatched.**  
I still believe you guys are failed clone experiements

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
emphasis on "failed"

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
fuck off we're all failures here 

  
**SakamotHOE**  
ah ah ah not me

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
you mean your losing ass in UNO wasn't a failure???

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
jashdhJsbdhaJnwjakMAKSDJDHashdka

  
\---

 **walmart sasuke**  
so like

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
dont laugh ok

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
but i did something with my hair

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
Oh my god did you get bangs??

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
ew havent we told you so many times already??? Bangs. Dont. Fit. You.

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
your hair's too flat for that kinda shit you'll look like a bird

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
i didnt get bangs lol

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
shinsuke if you shaved your hair just for kicks you will be kicked out of this friend group

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
lolol unless...??

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
DID YOU SHAVE YOUR HAIR?

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
DONT YOU DARE SHAVE YOUR HAIR OFF

  
 **walmart shinsuke**  
no i didnt shave it jesus fuck

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
this bitch prolly just got a trim and started being dramatic smh

  
**walmart sasuke**   
_sent 2 photos_

  
**walmart sasuke**  
bleh wrong answer 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
WHAT

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
did

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
did yOU JUST DYE YOUR HAIR BLOND???

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
wHA t THe HeCk Is That

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
WHY BLOND

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
aww you dont like?? Ur just like bansai 😐

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
we had to take him to the infirmary coz he started choking on his salami when he saw me

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
BITCH WHO WOULDNT CHOKE IN SHOCK WHEN THEY SEE YOU

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
YOUR HAIR IS BLOND

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
heyyyy i actually feel good with this color

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
you look like an alien

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
PPfTsysgsbajakaodbfjskebw

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
you and your spur in the moment life decisions.....

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
i hope you realize tht we're not gonna babysit your brooding ass if you start hating that blond color like last time

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
uuugh you mean when he dyed his hair in grey streaks and he looked like a grandpa for a solid month?

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
HoW DaRe YoU BRInG My DaRk PaST OuT LiEk THat

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
HAHSHSHSHAHAHAHA

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
i mean it doesnt look bad on you per se, but it's kinda jarring coz you've never dyed your hair that bright before

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
thats part of the shock value

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
when did you even find time to dye your hair?

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
last night, after i got tipsy from soju

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
i crouched in the bathroom and did it myself

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
then i video called my parents during dinner

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
oh my god 🤣🤣

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
what was their reaction??

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
they screm

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
SHDHDHFHAJKSHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
bruh who wouldn't?? when you son looks like THAT 

  
**walmart sasuke**  
i think i gave my father a heart attack too

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
trolling my own family sounds like a pretty reasonable hobby ya know

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
you got that from your grandma, didn't you

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
yeah the same grandma who faked her heart attack years ago just so my dense father would finally confess his feelings to mom

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
WHWHWHEHWHW SHE DID WHAT?? HAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
yeah she trolled us a lot, like one time we didnt go to grandad's death anniversary coz my parents were so busy, so the next time we went there she just kind of ignored my dad and kept feeding me stuff sksksksks

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
she wasnt feeding you she was preparing to fatten you up for sacrifice

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
A P P E A S E M E C H I L D

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
lol but i really love her tho, so i might agree to that

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
wished i had a cool grandmother

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
we can share you know, grandma dotes on you too 😊

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
stooop im gonna cry <3

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
yaaah and you have a grandpa too!!

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
my grandpa's dead tho

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
@Takasugi

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
LMAOOOO TATSUMAAAAA HAHAHSSHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
EYY LOOK IT'S GRANDPA SHINSUKE

  
**wig? snatched.**   
_sent a photo_

  
**walmart sasuke**  
WH ERE DID YOU GE T THAT 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
I WAS LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR THIS PIC DHSHAHSHDHEOFNEJSKAHHAAHAHAH

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
HE LOOKS LIKE A GRUMPY HERMIT HAHAHSHAHSHSHSHAHAH

  
 **walmart sasuke**  
FUCK OFF YOU GUYS 

  
**wig? snatched.**  
🤣🤣👏👏

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it is I.
> 
> We're about to enter a very very uuuugh long semi-narrative arc?? Idk how to call it. I'm also going to be introducing something that's part of every school event in our country called the Intramurals in the next chapter, so yeah lol stick around if ya want!!


	7. honey, you got a big storm comin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S MY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY SO I RELEASED A CHAPTER!!! BRRRT BRRRT 🤣🤣 A little bit of a change in the writing pace lolol my muse kind of prodded my brain with a stick and asked when ill turn the fanfic to narrative mode so i kind of gave in??? :/ anyways enjoy lmao bye

Gintoki collapsed spread eagled on the gymnasium's floor, fatigue settling in his bones. He'd never worked himself up this badly in the past days before and they were glad with that arrangement. But the professor for the subject had lent them more time to practice, letting the guards doing patrols allow students to have access inside the gymnasium even after entry hours, and so there they were with the rest of PE class sweating it off till they drop. 

"God, if you're still here, please tell me it's all over," he panted out, squinting at the bright overhead lights. Noise reverberated throughout the gymnasium, an earsplitting combination of speakers blasting different kinds of music, shoes squeaking on the linoleum, and layers of buzzing conversations all around him. The closest were playing an obnoxious dance remix, so both Gintoki and Toshirou were subjected to hearing _I'm that biiitch_ for the past couple of hours.

"God is dead in this gym," Toshirou laughed, sitting down beside him and observed the other students. He might've been a dead man for staring, because Toshirou had worn a black headband to keep the bangs off his forehead and he was definitely glowing in a different way despite the sheen of sweat in his face. There's no way for someone who just practiced for a solid five hours to not look haggard at all. Gintoki gritted his teeth and looked away, face flushed. He was so not used to seeing boys this pretty in his life, let alone in close proximity.

Something cool brushed his cheek. Gintoki flinched, turning his head sideways to see Toshirou's tired smile and a bottle of water in his direction.

"I drank some of it, sorry." He rubbed his neck sheepishly. "You alright?"

"O-oh, thanks. I'm good." He grabbed the bottle and chugged the contents, glad for the coolness in his throat. It wasn't when he had finished the entire thing did he realize he was so fucking thirsty and hadn't even noticed it in the first place.

"I'm so sweaty right now, I could honestly shake myself dry like a dog," Toshirou laughed, ducking down and started to wildly move his head. Droplets of sweat dropped onto Gintoki's pants, making him scream and roll on the floor to avoid a bigger spray. 

"Stop that, go get changed!"

"Yes, sir. I'll do just that." Toshirou looked at him expectantly, arms raised. "Help me up?"

Gintoki got up, groaning all the way. "Fine." 

It was almost routine by now, this thing they do after every practice. Toshirou would always ask Gintoki to pull him to a standing position, which never fails to get him all giddy when their hands touch. It surprised him that Toshirou was so casual about it that it was unbelievable how many times they've done this before. In the end he does it mostly to trick his dance partner by pretending to pull him up only to start dragging him across the floor as the latter started kicking his legs and laughing hysterically. Gintoki finds the entire thing cute.

"You done?" Gintoki casually asked once they were in the changing rooms, trying very hard to look everywhere but Toshirou, who was half naked. To distract him, he pretended to wrap a towel over his head and started rubbing it in his scalp to dry off the sweat in his curls.

Toshirou glanced up from looking at his backpack, which he was previously furiously scouring through. "I don't have an extra shirt," he said.

Gintoki's movement paused, eyebrows threatening to disappear in his hairline. "Huh?"

"An extra shirt. I forgot to bring it," Toshirou combed a hand through his hair, eyes frustrated. "I am so riding the train drenched today."

"Oh," Gintoki said, his eyes wide. _Oh_ , as in, the realization just hit him. _Oh_ , as in, he couldn't believe the words that just spilled out of Toshirou's mouth. Because there is a perfectly folded extra shirt sitting in Gintoki's backpack right now, squashed with all his notebooks and textbooks. _Oh_ , as in, Gintoki had been bringing two shirts because he was cautious that way, in case practice or some other event in school might need a quick change of clothes. _Oh_ , as in, holy fucking _shit_. He could just open his big mouth and say that he had an extra fucking shirt. He could lent it to Toshirou and the whole problem would be solved.

"Biy yuck to me," Toshirou was saying, smiling despite what he thought was his current misfortune. As if in slow-mo, Gintoki watched in horror as his fingers closed upon the same drenched shirt he wore earlier, clearly planning on wearing it all the way home. He was halfway through putting it over his head when Gintoki suddenly spoke:

"Wait. Stop. Stop moving."

The latter lowered his hand. "Hmm?"

"Don't wear the shirt."

Toshirou smiled at him. "I can't go home naked, Gintoki."

"I know that!" He exclaimed, face bright red. "You don't have to wear it. I brought another extra. We're the same size right? So.... so it should be fine."

"Really?" He says, and Gintoki shuddered. Toshirou's eyes were bright with barely concealed glee and relief. Lord take me now, he thought, watching as Toshirou caught the backpack Gintoki tossed to him. _His_ backpack. He then rummaged through the contents and crowed in delight as he raised the strawberry printed shirt over his head triumphantly. 

He laughed and put it on, eyeing the little strawberry doodles fondly. "Okay, but this shirt is really cute? Do you really wear this often?" 

"J-just sometimes. I don't wear it unless it's a special occasion." _Liar_ , Gintoki's inner Gintoki pointed an accusing finger at him. _You wore this shirt almost everyday because it was the first shirt Shoyou gave to you and your sentimental ass didn't want to get rid of it_. "Anyway, now you have something dry to change out of. Isn't that great?"

"It's great," Toshirou stared at him. For some reason, Gintoki doesn't understand the look he just received. "Thank you for lending me the shirt."

If Gintoki had some self-control left he might've had some sense not to combust into a red, stuttering mess in front of his crush, who was now wearing his shirt and called the very first sentimental thing he received from his adopted father cute. _Who was currently sniffing the neckline and oh god what did he just say? Did he say something what—_

"What?" He asked dumbly.

"I said it smells like you," Toshirou smiled, although it was hidden by the folds of the fabric. "It's nice."

 _W H Y_ , his inner Gintoki screeched, throwing a fit. Gintoki stared at his other self.

Heart thundering in his ears, he quickly snatched his bag and marched outside the door. "Comeonlet'sleave," Gintoki muttered. How could someone be this cute they'd make him die of happiness? He makes extra sure he won't catch Toshirou's lingering gaze or he'll cry on the spot.

They were nearing the gates when Toshirou checked his watch with a frown. "I missed dinnertime at home," he said. "Tamegorou feeds the leftovers to the dog when he thinks I eat outside the house."

Gintoki took a quick glance at his phone. 8:30 PM. Shoyou wouldn't be home until 10 in the evening and Oboro was out of town for some research related lecture, so he was alone and free to extend his time outside. "We spent so much time practicing. You'll be cooking dinner again?" he asked.

"Yeah. We're almost done with practice anyway, so it's good." Toshirou sighed tiredly. "The problem is, my brother goes to bed early. If I make a noise in the kitchen he'll definitely wake up."

"Ah," Gintoki nodded sympathetically. Unlike Shoyou, Oboro was a light sleeper. Any sound he would have made could wake him up too. "D'you have enough money? We can eat at a family diner neaby. I know a place."

"I only have enough for the train ride home, sorry. Maybe next time," Toshirou smiled apologetically. He started walking away. "See ya, awesome sauce."

Gintoki chuckled, giving him a small wave. "Get lost, awesome sauce." 

He watched Toshirou from afar, looking cute in his strawberry printed shirt and his chest ached. When he was gone, Gintoki skipped happily towards the school parking lot, where his motorcycle was. A smile so wide it threatened to split his face grew, feeling giddiness in his nerves.

Today had been a good day.

\---

The moment they spotted a mischievously grinning Sakamoto creeping behind Shinsuke who was eating ice cream, Gintoki knew things were going to get fucked.

"WHO'S EXCITED FOR INTRAMS?!" Sakamoto suddenly screamed, just in time as Shinsuke shoved the spoon into his mouth. Shocked, he thrusted the spoon so far down his throat it made him gag. Gintoki and Katsura both go down in fits of laughter as Shinsuke wordlessly got up from his seat and slapped Sakamoto hard across the face.

"Okay sto— OW!" Sakamoto cried out, shielding his face from the blow. "I didn't expect you to react so quickly!"

"That was my favorite coffee crumble ice cream and you made me choke on it," Shinsuke glowered at him, hand still up in the air. Gintoki might've taken him more seriously had it not been for Katsura still wheezing helplessly in the corner. "Face the consequences, you pig."

"Sorry! I got so excited with the upcoming Intramurals that I couldn't help myself," Sakamoto whined.

"Why is everyone so eager about it anyway? Intrams is just one big excuse to start rivalries from different departments," Shinsuke grumbled, sitting back down and started eating again like he did not just violently retaliated against Sakamoto's screaming.

"You say that, but you kept on rudely eyeing the Engineering majors who kept scoring ahead during the Basketball Finals last year," Gintoki deadpanned.

"I could never forgive Bansai's team for winning," Shinsuke harrumphed. "The SS Cluster would have taken the lead had they put Kamui during the first quarter."

Sakamoto snorted."Bitch, stop being pretentious. Kamui didn't stand a chance with both Bansai and Abuto on the opposing team. I mean they're both varsity players and Kamui's a.... he's just athletic."

"Oh my god, I don't want to hear _feedback_ from someone who's cluster got third place overall in the Intramurals rankings," Shinsuke rolled his eyes. "Business majors should shut their mouths and stay in their booths."

"Really? You're gonna go there? Remember who dominated first place for all the board games matches and embarrassed _your high and mighty cluster—_ "

"Wow. Okay, I get the rivalry," Gintoki says to no one in particular.

"It's the golden age of Intramurals in the university, you know. Everyone's bound to be excited." Katsura said, casually flipping through one of his textbooks. "We elected a pretty good lineup for the student council last year. They really did good with putting the budgets to full use and we got more than what we bargained for."

"Remember the booths?" Shinsuke asked, looking dreamily into space. "I can still remember that one club who sold out their soufflé pancakes within an hour, and the taste was heavenly." He sighed. "And there was this one club who set up a prison booth and chased us around the campus because they were catching people who wore red shirts."

"I remember! I was the one who wore a red shirt," Gintoki grumbled irritably. That hadn't been a fun experience for him, seeing all those club members observing like hawks around clustered groups of students. Katsura kept on insisting that they let them give chase and help Gintoki escape, but what happened was more of a scuffle, as three prison 'guards' had to drag a struggling Gintoki to their booth, while they watched and filmed the whole thing. He was let out three minutes later after the trio paid his bribe, which was a pack of grape flavored Mentos.

"I'm never wearing red ever again." He rolled his eyes.

"Maybe this time it'll be Shinsuke's turn to be captured." Sakamoto patted the other's back. 

Shinsuke absentmindedly swats the hand away.  
"I overheard they'll have a fireworks show by the end of the celebration. Seems like they're going all out this year too."

Sakamoto eyed him curiously. "Aren't you part of the student council?"

"Not directly." Shinsuke shrugged, putting another spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. "I'm the Political Science Department's representative. I work mostly on announcements and doing diplomat work. It's a tedious job but meh, atleast I have something to do."

Gintoki wolf-whistled. "Bitch thinks being department representative is a hobby, how very Ling Ling of you."

"Quit calling me that, I'm no honor student. Right, Katsura?"

"I didn't even do anything, why are you suddenly involving me in the conversation?" Katsura grimaced.

"But still, a fireworks display, huh?" Sakamoto hummed in thought. "Sounds perfect for couples."

"Glad we're all single men here." Shinsuke raised his arms and proudly looked at them all.

Katsura placed a hand in his chin. "I hate being single," he mumbled. "If ever I had someone I liked, I'd tell 'em right away."

"Is that a jab at me? That was definitely a jab at me," Gintoki said irritably.

"Who says it was a jab at— oh waaait~" he exaggeratedly leaned away, a teasing expression in his face, the one Gintoki hated the most because it always preceded more mockery. "Aha, so you were affected with what I said."

"No! I meant it sounded like you were saying it on purpose so I would react!"

"Right. Keep telling yourself that," Shinsuke's grin was absolutely feral. "Keep telling yourself you _didn't_ just catch feelings for Hijikata and this is _definitely_ not going through a strangers to friends to lover route— 

"Okay, what the fuck—"

"You should definitely invite him to join us during the Intrams," Katsura nodded sagely, as if that was the most perfectly sane solution for his problems. "I mean, you're bound to introduce him to us anyway."

"What are you, his future in-laws?" Gintoki retorted, shaking his head. "I don't even know if he likes me, let alone guys in general."

"You never know," Shinsuke stared into the distance. "Maybe he's into dudes but you just can't pick the signals coz he's scared it'll ruin your friendship."

"Sometimes I wonder if Shinsuke's words are jinxed," Katsura muttered, shuddering. "Half of what he says most of the time are true."

Gintoki kicked him in the shins. "Oi, stop egging him on. I don't want him spouting bullshit coz he believes he's some kind of prophetic being sent from the heavens."

"I haven't met the guy, obviously. I just have a feeling," Shinsuke shrugged, scraping the remnants of his now melted ice cream and downed it in one go. When he was done, he added. "Maybe he's always mentioning you to his friends and going red in the face when they tease him about it."

The image of Toshirou surrounded by his group of friends listening intently as he talked while squirming and blushing like a schoolgirl made Gintoki laugh. _That's so unlikely_ , he thought. _He looks like he'd rather die than admit he ever liked anyone in his life_. Belatedly, he realized he had actually considered the idea, so now he was met with three pairs of eyes giving him an _ooh, are you actually thinking about it?_ face. 

"What?" He snapped. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" Shinsuke challenged.

"Like I'm lovesick and I can't help it!"

Katsura pointed to him with his finger. "Aren't you? Lovesick and can't help it?"

The trio snickered.

Gintoki looked away, his face and ears warm. _Oi, why am I the one being subjected to the scenario Shinsuke made up earlier?_ he wailed internally. He wonders if it's still alright to desert his sorry excuse of a friends and start hitting them in the heads with his textbooks.

He was about to say something rude when someone glomped him from behind, making him yelp. Before he can even guess who it is, arms began to position around his neck and placed him in an inescapable headlock.

He might as well get whiplash for how fast he turned his head. "The heck—!"

"Gin-chan! Good to see you!" Kagura happily yelled in his ear. As he squirms out of what he can only call as a death choke, Shinsuke and the others cheered on without doing anything as he tapped out.

So much for friends.

\---

**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

_walmart sasuke changed his name to eternal suffering_

  
**eternal suffering**  
dont ask

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
SKSKSKSKSKSKS I THINK I KNOW HHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
lemme guess, the intramurals rivalry has started?

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
yooo engineering majors be wildin'

  
 **eternal suffering**  
that bitch lied to me

  
 **eternal suffering**  
bansai's been giving me the cold shoulder all morning

  
 **eternal suffering**  
and i got nervous right?? coz maybe his mom's mad at him again

  
 **eternal suffering**  
so i asked kamui to come with me and confront him abt it

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
SHSHSHAHAHSHAHAHA

  
 **eternal suffering**  
STOP LAUGHING IT'S NOT FUNNY OK

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
tbh it's funny 🤣🤣🤣

  
 **eternal suffering**  
i wanted to tear his ballsacks when that traitor straight up told me we can't be friends for the entirety of the event

  
 **eternal suffering**  
he's joined the basketball team with abuto again

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
what did kamui say?

  
 **eternal suffering**  
he got competitive what else

  
 **eternal suffering**  
now i have TWO fucking friends who wont even talk to each other coz BASKETBALL

  
 **eternal suffering**  
its just basketball 

  
**wig? snatched.**  
dont get in between the rivalry let them get it out of their system

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
i mean this is a once in a lifetime opportunity... they can live with not talking for a week

  
 **eternal suffering**  
they can win ALL of the basketball matches for all i care

  
 **eternal suffering**  
we still win the championship overall anyway

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
u sure abt that?

  
 **eternal suffering**  
Stfu third place

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
we business majors arent kidding around when we say we'll win this year

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
did you know? our cluster's being grouped with the school of medicine 😊

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
so what if you got the nursing dept. at ur side??? 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
ah shit they got good singers in there 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
if they wont be dominating the board games they'll win the battle of the bands and the solo and duet song competitions bleeeeaaargh

  
 **eternal suffering**  
bruh who cares the SS cluster's the majority of the population anyway

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
oh yeah we got this fam

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
just dont forget to stop by to buy lemonade at our organization's booth 👌 we got fresh drinks teehee

  
 **eternal suffering**  
im gonna ask my dad to give me a bigger allowance for all the food i am about to feast from

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
eyyy shameless advertisement but the journalism club also set up a refreshment booth so yeah if you want cookies or browniess we gotchu 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
@Shinsuke ready to destroy the other teams for the debate this year??

  
 **eternal suffering**  
fuck yeah?? dont mess with the future lawyer right here 👌

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
do you have anything to do this year gintoki?

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
of fucking course

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
who says im being idle

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
i will, as always, win every kendo matches thank you very much 👁👄👁

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
bitch you better win coz we're all going to watch..... even shoyou and oboro will be watching 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
oof dont pressure please im only a boy

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
a boy who's in love??

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
die in a ditch, tatsuma.

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
😘

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of the Intramurals event!!! I have so so so much planned for the upcoming chapters that it's crazy! Even when I'm writing I can feel the nostalgic excitement 😭😭


	8. it's fucking loud in here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS TOOK SO LONG TO MAKE I WAS DEBATING ON JUST POSTING IT ON MY BIRTHDAY AJSJSKAJDSAJDBSAHJD
> 
> Anyway, I made it in time so I'm pretty glad of how it turned up.
> 
> The events are loosely based on our uni's activities during the first day of intrams, in which we all had a parade to showcase our floats :)))

Saying "oh my god, the streets are crowded today" is an understatement, because in Gintoki's viewpoint, it was _packed_. Hundreds of students in color-coded shirts took to the streets for the culminating event of the Intramurals, a parade that will take a circular route around the campus that will showcase the manmade floats symbolizing the mythical creatures each cluster represents. Gintoki looked up to the truck carrying Cluster 1's float, a giant pink dragon coiled around a torch. It was a triumphant feat made by a joint alliance with the School of Education students in creating the giant monstrosity from recyclable materials. The scales alone took them so much time in the past months, made from collected broken CD's, and glass while the torch was made with scrap metals bought from scouring junk yards around the city. _This_ was all the patience, blood, sweat, and tears of the SS and SE Cluster put together. Gintoki smiled evilly. Their hardwork was going to wreck the other floats and score them ahead in the first day.

"Gintoki! C'mere for a sec!" Katsura yelled out, his voice almost drowned out by the earsplitting combination of noise from hundreds of loud conversations, and the engines honking every once in awhile to be let through. Katsura wore the hot pink shirt with the dragon design in front, courtesy of Ikeda Asaemon's magic drawing abilities. Gintoki paired his own shirt with cutoff jeans, his bonnet, and a jacket. Heaven forbid he's going to let himself walk out in the open and get a fucking sunburn.

"What do you want?" He yelled back, leaning forward to hear Katsura better. The latter shoved his phone in his direction, a pinched expression in his face.

"Shinsuke just chatted me and said he's going to be late! Can you fucking believe this guy?!" Katsura snorted. "He's going to miss the parade and you know he's going to sulk if he misses this."

"Gimme the phone," Gintoki said. 

  
\---

**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

**wig? snatched.**  
@Shinsuke bitch where tf are you right now

  
 **eternal suffering**  
calm the fuck down you wig 

  
**wig? snatched.**  
this is gintoki 

  
**eternal suffering**  
idc if ur the pube hair or the wig both of y'all're annoying

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
says the guy running late

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
what are you still doing??

  
 **eternal suffering**  
im fixing my hair

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
WHAT EVEN IS THERE TO FIX? WHY FIX SOMETHING THAT'S ALREADY BEYOND REPAIR AT THIS POINT?

  
 **eternal suffering**  
THAT NASTY ATITTUDE IS BEYOND REPAIR

  
 **eternal suffering**  
NO ONE DISRESPECTS THE BLOND HAIR IN THIS HOUSEHOLD

  
 **eternal suffering**  
btw, how large is the crowd currently??

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
bruh u should see the sea of students here

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
i cant believe the uni has this much people jfc

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
sent a photo

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
Cluster 1 peeps be lookin so cute with the pink shirts lolol

  
 **eternal suffering**  
told ya it was right to choose pink 💖

  
 **eternal suffering**  
did y'all see tatsuma??

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
we saw him awhile ago, but he got swallowed up by the crowd

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
his cluster looks like walking eggplants with that ugly violet shirt they wore bllleaaaargh

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
bitch did you just shit on our shirt??

  
 **eternal suffering**  
look who's been summoned 

  
**SakamotHOE**  
the audacity of that previous statement summoned me from thin air

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
and our shirt isn't violet, it's fucking PURPLE

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
🍆🍆🍆 

  
**SakamotHOE**  
S TOP ISTG

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
@Shinsuke hurry up the parade's almost starting!!

  
 **eternal suffering**  
OK IM DONE IM RUNNING ATM BYE

  
\---

Gintoki laughed, tossing the phone to Katsura, who caught it with ease. "He says he's going to run all the way towards uni."

"Huh, I hope he can make it," Katsura said.

"ALRIGHT DRAGONS, LISTEN UP!" A voice from a megaphone yelled. All eyes turn towards the lone figure at the back of the open truck. Kondo Isao — Cluster 1's head of all the departmental representatives— stood there with a megaphone held in his mouth. At any regular day he's Shinpachi's sister's gorilla stalker, who likes to cause nuisance on her daily life. In events like these, however, Gintoki could see a more serious and dignified side of him. He was good with leading people as he could be abnormal in real life, which was why people greatly admired him even though he was a great source of gossip. 

"WE ONLY HAVE TWO RULES IN THIS CLUSTER!" Kondo held up two fingers. "RULE NUMBER ONE: WE FUCKING WIN THIS THING!" At this, he receives a heap of hoots and cheers from the crowd, particularly the freshmen, who were to experience the parade for the first time. Gintoki shook his head exasperatedly at the sight. "RULE NUMBER TWO: WE KEEP THE SPIRIT OF THE DRAGON UP FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THE PARADE! THIS MEANS WE CHEER TILL WE GET TO CAMPUS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, DRAGONS!"

"He's a good hype man," Katsura muttered beside him, barely inaudible from the roaring crowd. Gintoki nodded in agreement. 

There was a tap to his shoulder, startling him. He turns around and was greeted with the sight of Shinsuke, panting heavily.

"Made it," he swallowed thickly. Gintoki wordlessly hands him a water bottle. 

"Took you long enou—"

He paused, brows furrowing. Murmurs from everyone began to rise as the sound of booming drums echoed in the distance, accompanied by a hundred cheers from what Gintoki can only say was definitely not coming from their cluster. Now, instead of glued to Kondo, everyone swivels their heads to the oncoming swarm of students wearing royal blue shirts and a truck carrying a float of a blue serpent. It's scales glittered in the sun, another monstrosity that was made from blue glass shards. The people in front raise their banners, made from thin fabric that fluttered wildly in the wind and read RISE, SERPENTS!! or LET'S GO CLUSTER 4!!, lead by a familiar face that made Gintoki's stomach turn inside out and the faces of Katsura and Shinsuke morphing into horror.

"No fucking way...." he muttered in disbelief. "Is that....?"

"DRAGONS! THE SERPENTS ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE!" A voice coming out from a megaphone like Kondo's yelled out. As the truck slowly approaced their designated space for the beginning of the parade, Gintoki could see the man standing at the top of the vehicle, a bandana tied to his head and huge grin in his face. Had it not been for Katsura's labored breathing distracting him and Shinsuke muttering a mantra of " _oh my god, the champions from last year are behind us_??", Gintoki would have fainted from the spot.

The roar of the crowd escalates some more, taunts and chants being thrown around as preparation for the start of the parade. Kondo yells something, but Gintoki's reeling head could only hear incomprehensible phrases. He didn't even realize Cluster 3 and 2's arrival, because at the moment, all he could wrap around his mind was the fact that not only was he going to be in rival terms with a terrifying cluster, but was also going to be competing against his fucking _crush_.

"THIS YEAR IS OUR YEAR! CLUSTER 4 WILL TAKE THE SPOT OF CHAMPION ONCE AGAIN!" Hijikata Toshirou's voice boomed from the megaphone, eliciting the cluster chant that sounded like an incantation straight from hell. Gintoki shook his head, ready to Naruto run across the Atlantic Ocean to escape this misery. 

Oh no fucking way, he thought, as Katsura and Shinsuke now schooled twin expressions of grim determination that did not look friendly at all. 

"Why didn't he tell me about this?!" Gintoki squeaked.

"So that's him," Shinsuke said, cracking his knuckles. He really looked like a villain, with his sharp gaze and wide smirk. "The winner of last year's debate team. You know, I could afford to put someone down a peg or two."

"Shinsuke, that's my crush!" He cried out.

"Shut up, permhead! He's going down and you can't stop me!" Shinsuke patted his shoulder. "Just for the Intrams, I assure you. After that, it's back to wingman status."

He swatted the hand away, irritated. "That's not helpful at all."

"Students! Welcome to the culminating event of the Intramurals 2020!" This time, it was a girl's voice that overpowered the crowd. She stood amongst the faculty, who had their own truck for the parade. "My name is Otsuu, and I'm the Master of Ceremonies for this year's celebration! Let's all keep our distances and mind the cars and pedestrians. We'd like an enjoyable and safe parade this year, so please follow instructions and keep that competitive spirit going!" 

"She looks really cute!" Someone said. 

"Oh, and by the way," Otsuu spoke again, this time making a cutesy idolish post and held up four fingers above her head. "GO SERPENTS!"

The crowd lost it.

The parade begins, and Gintoki feels like his eardrums are about to explode.

  
\--

**[A group where we all pretend to be Gintoki's wingmen Group Chat]**

**the backbone of this household**  
WTf bItCh—

  
 **Kagura**  
BRUH THE PARADE OMG

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
IFKR?? It was AWESOME 💖💖

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
IM SWEATING BUCKETS

  
 **zurald trump**  
bitCH IM THE ONE SWEATING "BUCKETS"

  
 **zurald trump**  
YOU LITERALLY STOLE MY FUCKING UMBRELLA, YOU GREMLIN.

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
It was so hot outside that I think I hallucinated someone taking off their shirt in the middle of the parade 🤔

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
that wasn't a hallucination mutsu

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
that was me.

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
what.

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
wait wait wait..... sakamoto-san stripped in public??

  
 **Kagura**  
Why would you do such a thing HAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
BECAUSE IT WAS HOT??

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
disgusting

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
im sorry mutsu, but i have no regrets

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
at least someone got an eyeful of my amazing pecs 🤣

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
your amazing what??

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
the only eyeful i got was oryou slapping you in the head with a water bottle

  
 **zurald trump**  
oh wow so amazing 👏👏

  
 **Kagura**  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
fuckk off wig

  
 **zurald trump**  
also can i just say that the floats?? are beautiful???everyone really went off this year 👁👄👁

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
Cluster 2's Griffin float really looked realistic 💖💖

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
i cant believe nobody followed the 'no glass materials rule' HAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
cmon man, what kind of float would it be if there's no glass in it??

  
 **zurald trump**  
yeah, it'd flop around in the wind HAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **Kagura**  
AND THE CHANTS THO

  
 **zurald trump**  
IFKR??? LIKE WHO THE HELL THOUGHT OF CLUSTER 3'S CHANT?? HAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
YASSS THAT WAS ACTUALLY ORYOU-CHAN'S IDEA 

  
**Boss Bitch**  
you don't know how many times I've been a slave to that chant during practice

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
you know, i think at some point people from the other clusters started to join in lmfaoooo

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
HEY, HEY *clap clap* ARE YOU READY?? *clap clap*

  
 **zurald trump**  
sToP PlEaSe No MorE

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
SAY GO TEAM MERMAIDS

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
GO TEAM MERMAIDS

  
 **Kagura**  
oooh shit i didnt see that coming 🤣🤣

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
i think i lost my sense of hearing from all that noise 

  
**the backbone of this household**  
hey you know what i lost? my ability to trust

  
 **Kagura**  
ooh edgy

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
no it fucking isn't and you know what i mean

  
 **Kagura**  
Eh?? No??

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
IT MEANS YOU DIDN'T TELL ME HIJIKATA TOSHIROU WAS THE LEADER OF YOUR CLUSTER

  
 **Kagura**  
oh THAT

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
young lady, i am terribly disappointed in you.

  
 **Kagura**  
MAMIIII NOOOOOO 😭😭😭

  
 **Kagura**  
LET ME EXPLAIN

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
you have 3 seconds

  
 **Kagura**  
ok ok so

  
 **Kagura**  
the previous head got a temporary leave because of personal business, so Hijikata was appointed as the leader for now

  
 **Kagura**  
everyone agreed coz he was good at handling that shit, so it was a pretty fast election

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
gintoki looked so stunned when he saw him HSHSHhHahaHhahaaahhashs

  
 **zurald trump**  
i mean he didn't mind at the end, but it was still pretty weird

  
 **zurald trump**  
oh shit waaait

  
**zurald trump**   
_sent a photo_

  
**zurald trump**  
holy hell is that.....?

  
 **Kagura**  
GUYS WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU IT'S BANNER RAISING CONTEST TIME

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
HECK YEAH IT'S BANNER RAISING TIME

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
cmon to the second floor!! i've got a great view from up here!!

  
 **zurald trump**  
BITCH WE ARE R U N N I N G

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
AaaaaaAAAAAH 15 SECONDS TILL THE RACE STARTS WUDHSWKSOFHWFUA

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
lmaoooo imma be here chillin in the caf 👌

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
Mutsu-san, you don't wanna watch?

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
nah, i know our team's going to win 

  
**Kagura**  
ohohoho what a confident woman we have here 🤔

  
 **zurald trump**  
dont forget, it's OUR year

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
look me in the eye and tell me that, you wig

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
gUYS SHUT UP IT'S RACE TIME

  
 **zurald trump**  
ffs 🤦🏿♂️

  
\---

**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

  
**strawberry parfait**  
D TO THE R TO THE A TO THE G TO THE O TO THE N TO THE S

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
DRAGONS ALL THE WAY

  
 **eternal suffering**  
NUMBER ONE THAT'S WHAT WE SAID

  
 **eternal suffering**  
DRAGONS ALL THE WAY

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
stfu you scaly bitches it was ONE win among many

  
 **eternal suffering**  
I'M SORRY WE CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER OUR FIRST WIN 

  
**SakamotHOE**  
lmaooo you act like you won all the contests, but will you really??

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
huh, tough luck tatsuma 👏👏

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
damn, no more games till 5pm what do we do in the meantime?

  
 **eternal suffering**  
first thing: f o o d 🍦🍦🍧🍧🍨🥞🥞

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
you son of a bitch im in 👉👉

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
hey we REALLLLY need to check out this awesome James Bond booth at the 4th floor in Rakuyo after eating 👏👏

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
they have a description for their booth in a shared pubmats tweet that says they have a game that let's you dodge yarns that act like "lasers" to get to prizes

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
OoOOOOOh shit we def gonna try that one

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
Ok, we regroup at the student lounge then. Get your asses over before I buy food for myself

  
 **eternal suffering**  
calm your tits we're on our way

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
first asses then tits? what a decline

  
 **eternal suffering**  
Excuse you tits are awesome

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
What he said 👆

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
so u like hijikata's tits then? 

  
**strawberry parfait**  
biTCH I—

  
 **eternal suffering**  
gintoki imagining hijikata's tits. that's it, that's the tweet.

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
I

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
hmm

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
😑

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> putting nicknames on bold in ao3 was actually difficult HAHAHHAHAHAH


	9. happy tree friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who procrastinated by watching Ghost of Tsushima gameplays online just to hear Nakai Kazuya's superior voice acting skills and imagining Tosshi in Jin Sakai's place? 🤚

**[Joui Squad Group Chat]**

**wig? snatched.  
** *approving goat noises*

\---

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
zura i just read the text you sent at 3 am and honestly what the fuck

  
 **eternal suffering**  
if you can't provide context within the next thirty minutes im going to accuse you of goat roleplay

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
hoho zura yA NASTY

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAH WHY DID I SENT THAT WHAUSGFIFCJEIRJIBEHDUXISB

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
go to horny jail

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
ShUt Up AshJaoansjciwbdbakwifj

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
I SENT THAT MESSAGE BY MISTAKE

  
 **eternal suffering**  
keep covering it up, man. that doesnt make you any less suspicious....

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
zura, you know we love and respect your decisions, right?

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
we dont care if you're doing goat roleplays with somebody 😊 we still love you for who you are

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
NO IT WASN'T GOAT ROLEPLAY JFC

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
It's just somebody from one of my class group chats sending goat memes

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
well i guess philosophy majors do have their own brand of humor 

  
**SakamotHOE**  
remember when he was so drunk and gintoki says something about being hungry so he goes on this existential rant about how we're always hungry and stuff?

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
i dID WHAT

  
 **eternal suffering**  
i hate drunk zura he's boring

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
not as boring as you tho

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
yooooo 😯

  
 **eternal suffering**  
tatsuma, why do you always have it out for me?

  
 **eternal suffering**  
is it the intrams?? is it??

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
lol i just like teasing you

  
 **eternal suffering**  
sorry we won the banner raising AND the volleyball elimination rounds 😊

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
eh that's fine we won the first round for battle of the bands yesterday so you're forgiven 😊

  
 **eternal suffering**  
😊

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
😊

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
what the fuck is this passive aggresive fighting—

**strawberry parfait**  
shhh it's just the rivalry juices flowing

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
k honestly that's ew

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
so, you'd rather talk abt ur potential goat kink or??

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
N O T H A N K S

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
yeah that's what i thought

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
EYOO SHOUTOUT TO SHINSUKE THO COZ TODAY'S DEBATE DAY

  
 **eternal suffering**  
OH STOP IT

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
DEBATE DAY IS TODAY???

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
YES DEBATE DAY IS TODAY

  
 **eternal suffering**  
DONT GO TO THE AUDITORIUM AAAAAAAAAH

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
hell yeah we're going!!

  
 **eternal suffering**  
no thanks im going to die of embarrassment if i see you guys

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
just so you know im not going to the auditorium to see you

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
I'm cheering for Toshirou

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
yoooooo

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
yo i thought it was bros before hoes??

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
first of all Tosshi's not a hoe 😑

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
secondly why are you bringing up the brotherhood pact when we're literally starting rivalries in the first place

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
oh lmao i forgot 🤣

  
 **eternal suffering**  
you go cheer for your crush or whatever, im just going to beat him to the ground

  
 **strawberry parfait**  
yeah and i hope you bite your tongue in the middle of your speech or whatever

  
 **wig? snatched.**  
Pettiness 100

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
lol i kinda wanna see that happen 

  
**wig? snatched.**  
no

  
 **SakamotHOE**  
YES

  
\---

".... and remember, Shinsuke. No cursing at other contestants or losing your cool, alright?" Gintoki gripped both of the other male's shoulders, staring him straight in the eye. "This might be your second time but do it better and win, okay?"

"If you're feeling angry, just think about your happy place." Katsura chimed in, a teasing grin in his face. "What's your happy place again?"

"I'm in a cabin in the woods. The opposing team members are all bound and gagged in front of me. They can't scream for help as I saw through their fingers one by one," Shinsuke said, mirroring Katsura's grin with his own. It seemed to give him courage, never mind the fact that what he just said might land him a quick trip to a therapist. 

Shimura Otae— Shinpachi's older sister and Cluster 1's debate team leader— gives a laugh as they watch him being surrounded by the other members, now doing their handshake rituals to get themselves hyped up for the event. "You know, he's probably the most spirited out of all of us this year," she said. "I've never seen him so intent on crushing someone before."

"Maybe because you've been giving off the same bloodlust ever since we got backstage, you sicko." Gintoki rolled his eyes. "No wonder Pattsuan keeps away from you most of the time."

"Don't say that! He's just hiding his secret girlfriend from me, that's all!" Otae's eyes gleamed viciously. "I've been keeping tabs on his love life but I can't get a grasp on the girl. She's so elusive. Does he not want me to see my future sister-in-law?"

"Okay, I think I get the point," Katsura quietly whispers in Gintoki's ear. "She really _is_ crazy."

"See what I mean? Women are all— _ack_!!" Otae mercilessly jabs him in the ribs, making him keel over from pain.

"Gin-san. Calling me crazy is rude, you know." Her smile might as well have finished him off. 

"It was the fucking wig who said it, not me!" Gintoki wheezed out, pointing an accusing finger at Katsura, who looked like he'd rather die by his own terms than let Otae kill him. 

"Where's Sakamoto?" Katsura asked, steering the conversation away before the rest of the students could find bodies splayed on the floor. Gintoki was pleasantly surprise to see that in the distance, Sakamoto was cheering his own cluster off, a silent Mutsu at his heels. To the left, he could hear the crowd in the seating area singing their hearts out to a Taylor Swift song being blasted on the speakers, their voices so loud the floor started vibrating like crazy. 

Belatedly, he realized that he was already searching for a certain somebody that still hasn't shown his presence yet, and he was sure that the lingering gaze in the back of his head belonged to Katsura.

"How much longer till the debate starts?" Gintoki asked, checking his watch. "I don't think everyone's here."

"Why so bothered? You looking for somebody?" Katsura asked.. 

He screwed his eyes shut. Fuck, now he's going to be annoying about it. "No, just wondering when this event will start so we can get seats," he lied.

He's 85% sure Katsura has an inkling of what he's doing, because he's wearing that I-call-bullshit face that he uses when some swindler tries to scam him. "Uh-huh, like I don't know why you were clearly checking out the door earlier."

"If you know, you can shut up."

"Oh, but it's fun this way," Katsura waggled his eyebrows. He briefly turned his head towards Shinsuke's direction. Tatsuma had caught after the other male and were now playfully wrestling. As if he'd disown them in his head, Katsura quickly faced him again. "Are you really bothered he's not here?"

"He'll come. Shinsuke said so." Gintoki said. 

"Eh? Who's he?" Otae suddenly asked, and it took everything in his willpower not to slap her before she says anything unecessary. "What's this about looking for somebody?"

"You keep your mouth shut and focus on your goddamn debate."

Otae snapped her fingers, face brightening at the realization. "Aha! Zura, is this about that pretty boy you've been gossiping to me about?"

"Wha— Zura, you were gossiping about me—"

"Aww, is wittle Gwintoki looking fow Towshirow?" She cooed before they burst into fits of laughter. _This is why I can't have nice things_ , Gintoki thought, watching as Katsura started choking on his own spit and a wheezing Otae uselessly pats his back. 

"You need water for that?" He asked sarcastically.

"No thanks. But you might need it to cool your thirst levels down," Otae says instead, sending Katsura into another coughing fit. As the two continued to make fun of him, Gintoki decides he's had enough and left to stand by the backstage doors leading to the seating area. 

Nobody really stays long enough to watch the whole event, as it could get pretty boring if you didn't know anything about the mechanics. Most of the people were here to either leech off of the WiFi, cheer on some friends, or just sit down on one of the comfy plush seats and sleep with the aircon on full blast. Gintoki leaned against the doorway, observing the crowds and hoping there were signs of Toshirou's presence. He stood rooted to the spot long enough to see Otsuu come up on stage to make a few announcements before the event could officially begin.

"Um, excuse me? You're kind of blocking the doorway and we need to get in," someone on his left spoke. 

"Sorry," Gintoki mumbled. He turned his head and was greeted with the sight of Cluster 4's debate team, all looking at him expectantly.

He was giving way before he even knew it. Everybody present seemed mesmerized by their arrival, craning their necks to see them walk through the door like the last boss in a video game. Belatedly, he realized that this cluster was where Toshirou belonged to, that _this_ lineup was the defending champion for this year's debate event. He returned to the area designated for Cluster 1, eyeing them with equal parts terror and awe. Terror, because Gintoki couldn't see Toshirou among them and Shinsuke looks like he's going to jump into their tightly huddled group and start choking one of their members. 

"Prideful bitches," Otae snarled, cracking her knuckles. "Let's see who's laughing by the end of the event."

His eye twitched. "Oi, this is a debate, not a battle royale. Keep those fists away, gorilla woman."

"I don't see Hijikata though," Katsura said. Gintoki shot the wig an annoyed look. "What? I was just saying."

"Just saying, my ass." He snorted. "That was clearly a jab at me."

"Are you both blind?" Shinsuke cuts in. He points to the door. "There he is."

He turns.

Hijikata Toshirou enters the backstage area with a smile so wide it could pretty much light up a whole city on blackout, and goddamn is he blinding. Gintoki could feel his chest tighten when his debate team surrounded him like excited puppies, clinging to his every word as he gave out instructions. He understood what they must have felt just being in close quarters with Toshirou, the physical embodiment of charisma on two legs. He wonders if that dopey look on their faces were the same to his own when he gives to Toshirou when they're alone together, which makes him cringe internally. If Shinsuke saw him make that expression, he's never going to hear the end of it. 

"Aaand, there he goes." Katsura snickered beside him.

He whirled so fast, cheeks burning. " _Shut up_ ," he hissed. "It's not like that, okay?"

His friend smiled, though it was quickly replaced with shock as he made pointed gestures with his face. 

"Oh, shit! Gintoki, he's coming this way!" 

"Wha—"

"Gintoki?" A voice behind him called. He doesn't have to look back to know the owner of that voice, afraid he might get blinded if that smile was directed towards him with all its intensity. Inhaling whatever courage he could muster, Gintoki slowly turns to face Toshirou with watery eyes and his heart thudding nervously in his ribcage.

"Hey," he croaked out, limply raising a hand in a semblance of a hello. "Good to see you."

He could feel his entire friend group slap a hand on their foreheads. He could also feel his entire ancestral bloodline stare him down with disappointment. Who wouldn't, after seeing that pathetic display of what Gintoki lamely calls a way to interact with a decent human being?

"I haven't seen you since the Intrams started!" Toshirou laughed, reaching out to clap a hand to his shoulder, which he was unprepared for. Already, he could feel the piercing gazes all around him waiting for him to slip up so they could input it in their made-up _Gintoki Being a Failure List_ for future blackmail. "Are you here to cheer for your cluster?" 

"Yeah, some of them are participating in the event." Gintoki points to them one by one. "This is Shinsuke— please ignore him, okay? He has rabies, that's why he looks like that. That boy with the long hair over there is Zura. Tatsuma's the one with the cool Ray-Bans. And you know Otae? She's the debate team leader this year too."

"You look good in cat ears, does anyone tell you that?" Shinsuke spoke up.

"Oh, he does." Katsura murmured, leaning forward to get a closer look. "You should try on cat ears, Hijikata."

 _You should try jumping off a cliff, that would make me happy_ , Gintoki seethed. He turns on them with eyes that promised eternal pain, which was only met with shit-eating grins. This was clearly sabotage and why was no one there to stop these two idiots?!

Toshirou grows increasingly flustered at the attention, though the smile in his face was far from displeased. "My friends say that a lot too. I never quite get why."

"Oh? Which friends?" Tatsuma pressed, his obnoxious laughter grating on Gintoki's ears. "I am genuinely curious. We could all arrange to meet so we can plan for the engageme—"

"AND THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TODAY!" Gintoki screamed, clapping his hands over the protests of "Hey! I haven't talked to him yet!" and "Gintoki, don't cut off my screentime!"

"SHOW'S OVER! AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING A DEBATE?"

"Yeah, that's right," Otae nodded solemnly. "Hijikata-san. I'm afraid we're going to end our friendly truce for now. As much as Gintoki has high praise for your looks and personality—" She sends a chilling glare at the permhead's anxiety-ridden warning stare— "I'm afraid we're still enemies once we step onto the stage a few minutes from now."

"Likewise," Hijikata replied. There's an edge to his smile that wasn't there before, the sparks of competitive rivalry being fanned by both debate leaders as they firmly shook hands. "Let's have another fair fight this year, Shimura Otae."

"Don't get cocky now, Serpent."

"Time to step down a notch, Dragon."

"Are we entering a Tournament Arc for a manga or what?" Katsura giggled, elbowing Gintoki as they all watched the two walk off to their respective teams. 

Toshirou caught his gaze for a few seconds, flashing him another grin and a cute little wave. "I'll see you later,” he mouthed.

Gintoki's mood instantly lifts. He grabbed both Tatsuma and Katsura's arms and excitedly returned to the seating area, wondering which cluster was going to win. 

  
\---

**[A group where we all pretend to be Gintoki's wingmen Group Chat]**

**Kagura**  
FELLOW WINGMEN

  
 **Kagura**  
WOULD Y'ALL LIKE SOME

  
 **Kagura**  
R E C E I P T S

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
omg please i wasnt there to see the whole debate!!!

  
 **the backbone of this household  
** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WE WON!!!

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
TAKASUGI-SAAAAAN CONGRAAAATS 🥳🥳

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
YO I NEVER EXPECTED WE WOULD WIN?!?!NANI?!?!

  
 **zurald trump**  
GINTOKI WAS BESIDE HIMSELF AHSHAJODHIWBIAHQJQID

  
**Kagura**   
_sent 10 photos_

  
**Kagura**  
F E A S T Y O U R E Y E S

  
 **Boss Bitch  
** Shinsuke, I knew you could do it this year 👌

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
aww thanks mutsu 

  
**Boss Bitch**  
@Kagura y'all was backstage but i never saw you???

  
 **Kagura**  
i was a ninja that time

  
 **Kagura**  
saw gintoki and hiji talking and took stealth photos hhhh

  
 **zurald trump**  
ok but hijikata is damn f i n e??

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
zura, control your urges 

  
**Shinpachi Shimura**  
oh, he looks handsome on the second photo

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
gintoki couldn't even speak to him properly we were trying to embarrass him HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
 **zurald trump**  
I KNOW RIGHT?? SHINSUKE WAS A GENIUS FOR SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT THE CAT EARS AHAHSHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

  
 **Kagura**  
OOF TELL ME ABOUT IT LATER I WANNA KNOW

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
at least he told hijikata that my ray-bans were cool 😎

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
i want to break them

  
 **Kagura**  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  
 **are you lost baby girl? me too**  
do you want to die?

  
_Boss Bitch changed are you lost baby girl? me too's nickname to Lame Ass Shades_

  
**Boss Bitch**  
what you say?

  
 **Lame Ass Shades**  
I Want To Apologize

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**   
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  
**zurald trump**   
_sent a photo_

  
**zurald trump**  
WINGMEN! WE HAVE A NEW MISSION TODAY

  
 **Kagura**  
BitCh iS tHat—

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
ARE HIJIKATA AND GIN-SAN ON A DATE???

  
 **zurald trump**  
a friendly date it seems!!!

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
WE'RE FOLLOWING THEM TOWARDS THE STUDENT'S LOUNGE HURRY YOUR ASSES UP!!!

  
 **Kagura**  
I'm dragging Sougo waIT FOR ME

  
 **Shinpachi Shimura**  
Guys, there's a quiz bowl at the student's lounge should we make them join???

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
Hell yeah, we can get them to play and make Gintoki get some prizes for Hijikata

  
 **Kagura**  
It says it needs four people to participate 

  
**Shinpachi Shimura**  
Takasugi-san and Zura are like, the smartest people here soooo 👉👈 

  
**zurald trump**  
aight ill join

  
 **the backbone of ths household**  
sounds like a plan

  
 **Lame Ass Shades**  
ok so im not smart got it

  
 **Boss Bitch**  
yeah you fucking aren't 

  
**Kagura**  
MAMIII STOP MAKING ME LAUGH 🤣🤣🤣

  
 **the backbone of this household**  
quiz bowl starts in 30 minutes let's get this show on the road people!!! 

  
**Lame Ass Shades**  
it's go time!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GINTAMA STANS ON TWITTER ARE CELBRATING YOOOO THE FINAL MOVIE'S FINALLY ANNOUNCED AND I'M CRYING 😭😭😭

**Author's Note:**

> So, to explain a little bit on Takasugi’s nickname; back when they first met and were basically beginning the most Chaotic Friendship of the Century, Gintoki commented that he kind of looks like an edgier version of Sasuke. Zura then proceeded to call him ‘walmart sasuke’ because he’s a ripoff of the original. Takasugi was not pleased. He then kicked out Zura for sending a recording of his ugly laugh on the group chat and wouldn’t let him in again for two weeks.
> 
> Why is Sakamoto called The Manager? Because his family owns the famous Kaientai Supermarket and one of the branches close to the campus was where he operated as a branch manager for some time before going to uni (lmao it just works). He’s super rich but doesn’t really like buying a lot of stuff. However, he’s a big foodie and likes exploring the city with Mutsu and the joui squad to discover new places to eat.


End file.
